Friends with Benefits, Part 1 – Booty Call

Peter, the radio guy who slept with Lucy and then disappeared, has resurfaced.  He wants to know if Lucy is free to meet up this Saturday.

It’s a tale as old as time, she reflects.  No sooner have you decided not to bother with a guy any more, he starts pursuing you.  The lack of interest is like a red rag to a bull.   But why the hell does it not work when I try to fake disinterest with guys I really like?  They must have a ninja sixth sense.

Though clearly in Peter’s case it’s because he’s got an itch that needs scratching.

Lucy’s cross.  The cheek of it!  He doesn’t reply to messages, he pretends not to have received them, he won’t answer a question or agree a date to meet up… She’s wasted far too much time and energy on this guy already.  She should tell him where to go.

Problem is, she’s really tempted to say yes.

Lucy is a pathological over-thinker, so she decides to draw up a list of pros and cons.  It looks like this:

Pros:

  1. She doesn’t have any other plans on Saturday.
  2. She’s already invested time and effort in Peter, it wouldn’t be that much more trouble to say yes.
  3. She’s already slept with him once, so that awkward first time is out of the way.
  4. And it was really good.  Or at least, certainly better than no sex at all, which is the current alternative.
  5. She’s already decided she’s not that fussed about him, so there’s little chance of her getting hurt.
  6. She definitely hasn’t had enough sex in her life so far, so now’s her chance to make up for that.
  7. She wants to, and saying no would only be denying herself something based on principle. But principles only get you so far. Lucy is fed up of having principles.
  8. It’s been sunny all week so she won’t even need to shave her legs – they’re already done. Win!

Cons:

  1. He’s messed her around and she doesn’t want to reward his bad behaviour.  Or give him the satisfaction.
  2. He’ll probably disappear again immediately afterwards.
  3. It’d be a bit slutty.

Lucy wonders if point 3 should really go in the ‘pros’ column.

Anyway, it’s clearly a no-brainer.  She accepts.

But this time, she’s determined not to make too much of an effort. She’s not even entirely convinced he will actually show up.  So as a way of showing how entirely unconcerned she is about this whole thing, she decides not to wash her hair.  That way, if he cancels, at least she won’t have wasted her time.

This small act of rebellion delights her. That’ll teach him to mess her around.

Nevertheless, when Saturday rolls around, she’s nervous again.  She’s barely spoken to Peter since the last time, and he still feels like a stranger.  She hopes he won’t be late – it’s the waiting that gets to her.

Who is she kidding?  He’s been late on all of the last three dates.  Lucy decides she’ll be happy if he just bothers to turn up at all.

This is how they win, she grumbles.  Get you to lower your expectations by being dicks, so that you’re grateful if they do something even the tiniest bit nice.  Like showing up.

Even though she knows this, Lucy still spends 10 minutes deciding which underwear to put on.  She goes for the (obvious) red ones with the push-up bra.  No point in owning this stuff if you don’t wear it, she decides.

She spends a further 10 minutes in front of the mirror practising being sexy and trying to work out if red underwear makes her thighs look fat.  If only I had bigger boobs, she reflects, maybe my life would be different.

Then she remembers that she’s too old for this shit.  She should be married by now to someone who is so grateful that she even owns red underwear that he doesn’t give a fuck about her B-cups.

Peter phones.  He’s running late.

Lucy pours herself a large glass of wine.

(To find out what happened, click here)

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