The Newly-Single Friend, Part 7 – Showdown

We left the story of Lucy and Amir at the point where Amir, who until last year had just been Lucy’s good friend, had asked her out on a date and then cancelled it and vanished.

If none of this is making any sense, you’d better catch up first.  Here’s the start of the story, and here’s last week’s post.

Lucy is not the sort of girl to just sit back and take shit from anyone, so after trying to play it cool for a while, she rang Amir and left a message demanding an explanation.

The tone of her message clearly woke him up, because after weeks of silence he finally texted back.  Lucy, who by this stage boiling with hot rage at the way he’d behaved, decided to play him at his own game and not reply for a few days.  This clearly pushed his stupid boy buttons, because he then rang her twice and sent a further SIX messages with an increasing sense of urgency.

Lucy decided to ignore all these messages too – not because she was deliberately trying to punish him (ok, well, maybe she was, just a little bit), but more because she didn’t know what on earth she was going to say.

So she said nothing, which clearly got right up Amir’s nose.

Lucy knows that at this point she should let him stew for a while.  Let him experience what it’s like to be ghosted for a change! But she can’t.  She’s always been terrible at game playing. And she’s even worse at sitting quiet.  Always one to wear her heart on her sleeve, if Lucy has something to say, she’s going to say it.  It’s a trait that has frequently got her into trouble – but right now she doesn’t much care, tbh.

What’s more, the longer she doesn’t reply, the longer this whole sorry saga drags on. And while it’s dragging, it’s occupying far too much of her energy, as she turns it round and round in her mind and tries to figure out what she will say when she finally does reply.

So she messages him.  A full, frank, and honest assessment of the situation.

 She types the message into WhatsApp, pauses for a second to look at it, then takes a deep breath and hits enter with decisive force.

It doesn’t take him long to reply.

It strikes Lucy immediately that this message is just one long string of denials and excuses.  She’s not impressed.

Well at least now he’s apologised. That is something at least.  But Lucy still doesn’t feel that she’s got to the bottom of what’s been going on.   It would be much better if they spoke in person – particularly since he appears to be on the end of his phone right now.

Now Lucy feels bad.  And sorry for him.  Was she too harsh?  Sigh.  She takes a slightly softer tone.

 ‘Back on track?’  What does that even mean?  Lucy notes with a sinking feeling that he keeps using the word ‘friend’.  Clearly she has been put back in the friend box – although this much has been obvious since he cancelled their date.  So then why ask her on a date in the first place?  He needs to explain.

The longer this chat goes on for, the worse Lucy feels.  Is this partly her fault?  Did she get the wrong end of the stick?  Misread the signals (well duh!)?  Is she really so full of herself that as soon as a guy so much as smiles at her she assumes he wants her?  Or was it the exact opposite: her insecurity causing her to develop feelings for any attractive guy who shows her the slightest attention?

 Lucy thought she wanted answers, but now that Amir seems to have miraculously developed the ability to communicate, she’s not sure any of this is helping.  Instead, his responses are only making her feel worse – embarrassed that she misjudged the situation, worried that she’s now lost a good friend, and anxious that somehow her failure to handle the situation better has caused it to escalate beyond repair.

But she’s also angry with Amir for putting his shitty feelings onto her too, and apparently making it her responsibility to make him feel better.

Well that she absolutely won’t do.  She’s already told him she has nothing more to say, so she doesn’t reply.  Hopefully he’ll get the message.

He doesn’t.  The next morning he texts again.

 It’s curious.  When she wanted him to message it drove her bonkers that he didn’t.  Now she wishes he would leave her alone and he won’t.  What is that all about?!  And why do so many men only seem to up their game when they suddenly feel they have a point to prove?

Well, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.  Plus, his name repeatedly popping up in her notifications is completely doing her head in.  She needs him to just fuck the hell off now so she can get over her embarrassment.

Though of course she puts it in a nicer way when she replies.  It seems to be the only way to get rid of him.

Then Lucy archives the chat so she won’t have to see it in her inbox any more, pours herself a large glass of wine, and goes back to swiping on Bumble.

UPDATE:  A couple of months later, Lucy met up with Rick again for dinner.  He revealed that Amir was now in a relationship with a ‘hot Danish girl’, but was also cheating on her with another girl 10 years his junior.  So it seems that when Lucy gave him 6 months before he turned into a dating app fucktard, she was being overly generous…

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8 Comments

  1. 22nd October 2017 / 2:14 pm

    I think you're wasting your time with him Lucy. He sounds like he just likes the attention. There's 64 million people in the country, and they aren't all as flaky as him!

  2. 22nd October 2017 / 2:15 pm

    Haha what gave it away?! Yes, I can see that now, bit slow on the uptake sometimes but I get there eventually!
    Thanks for taking the time to comment 🙂

  3. 23rd October 2017 / 7:55 am

    Remember: Never make someone a priority if they only see you as an option. So glad you finally gave Amir the freeze. He deserves it after how he's acted toward you. Now you can focus on someone who's worthy of your effort and attention.

    P.S.- I love your blog!!

    Also, I love that one of the labels for this post is "Fuckboy". Very fitting 😉

  4. 23rd October 2017 / 7:59 pm

    Thanks Sarah! And thanks for taking the time to comment. I guess it just took me a while to realise what was going on, and then I wanted to call him out for his behaviour. At least hopefully he's learned his lesson now, and maybe he'll treat the the next girl a little better…

  5. El
    7th March 2018 / 9:15 pm

    Hi Lucy. I only just discovered your blog and read about Amir. I couldn’t believe how similar it was to a situation I had… although we actually ended up sleeping together… When I called him out on it he had the same ‘huh? But we’re just friends’ response as Amir.

    We’d been at a destination wedding and had spent the whole week together flirting and acting like a couple. And when we came home i was ghosted and he claimed to be shocked that I had seen it as any thing more than friendship…

    Yeah mate… but I don’t have those kinds of interactions with my friends..!!!

    I kind of feel better knowing other people have experienced this!

    • Lucy
      Author
      11th March 2018 / 9:12 pm

      Hi Emma, I’m so sorry to hear you went through the same thing! Sounds awful to have been at that wedding together, being all coupley and then have him deny all knowledge! I find it hard to know if guys are just totally clueless or if they know precisely what they are doing and just don’t care! All we can do is chalk each thing up to experience and try to be more aware next time!
      But anyway, I’m really glad you like the blog and if I have helped in any way then I’m delighted. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Best wishes, Lucy.

  6. Jenni
    11th April 2018 / 9:34 pm

    Have just stumbled across this blog and Oh. My. God. This whole story reeks of my life! Brought up some shitty memories, but also reassuring that I’m not the only one to find themselves in these situations! Looking forward to getting stuck into the rest of your tales! X

    • Lucy
      Author
      12th April 2018 / 12:16 pm

      Hi Jenni! I’m so happy that you found me and thank you for your lovely comment! I’m sorry you have been through the same thing too but, as you know, most of what we all go through is universal so you are definitely not alone! I hope you enjoy the rest of what’s already hear and do stay tuned for more each week (you can enter your email at the top for updates).
      Lucy

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