Still not down with the kids

Lucy’s been on one date with Vincent, the handsomest man she has ever been out with.  It wasn’t exactly a roaring success.  It turns out Vincent has a few rather controversial opinions.  To find out what they were, click here.

Having taken exception to some of these opinions on the first date, Lucy is certain she won’t hear from him again.  She isn’t bothered in the slightest.  Vincent was a bit of a knob.

So when he texts the next day, she’s confused.  Didn’t he notice her disagreeing with him?  Then she remembers that guys seem to like girls more when they’re not interested.  Idiots.

I can’t go on another date with this man, she thinks.  I’ve already told all my friends what a tosser he is.

Maybe Lucy and Vincent will be like one of those couples in movies who hate each other when they first meet and eventually sexy sparks will fly and they’ll end up falling in love and getting married.

There’s no way I can marry him, Lucy decides.  He’ll want me to take his last name, and his last name is impossible to spell.  Giving my details over the phone will be hell.

Then she remembers that Vincent is hot as fuck and decides that it would only be fair to give the guy a second chance.

When Lucy arrives for the date, he’s leaning against a wall outside the tube station in jeans and a yellow Ralph Lauren polo shirt, which sets off his tan and his ripped biceps perfectly.  Not an ounce of body fat on there, Lucy thinks.  Yum.

As she walks towards him he smiles, a flash of even white teeth against his brown skin.  Still has great hair, even though he’s over 40.

Lucy feels a little flutter of attraction.  He might be a bit of a dick but he’s fit AS, so maybe she can forgive him.  At least for a while.

It’s a sunny evening and Lucy is in a good mood.  A large glass of wine puts her in an even better mood.  She chatters away, not letting Vincent get a word in.

He doesn’t have all that much to say for himself, she thinks.  Boring!

Vincent is very sporty and is a member of a running club.  Lucy tries to impress him by telling him she went to her first ever British Military Fitness class yesterday.  She doesn’t tell him she joined BMF as a way of meeting hot men.
So far there have been no hot men in BMF, and Lucy can barely walk today.
Someday she hopes it’ll be because of a hot man that she can barely walk the next day.
She doesn’t tell Vincent that either.

Vincent has been watching the Grand Prix on the TV.  Lucy knows fuck all about Formula 1 and thinks it’s mind-bendingly dull.
Vincent tells her that motorsports are fascinating because so much engineering goes into the cars.
“Did you know that when they brake on a wet road they can displace enough water to fill a bathtub?” he asks.
Lucy did not know that. She wonders what Vincent would look like in her bathtub.

Lucy tries to engage Vincent with some of the foody facts she has learned this week.
“Most people think prawn crackers are just prawn flavouring but did you know they actually contain 20% prawn meat?”
Vincent did not know that.  He seems impressed.

“Did you know that that bergamot, which is used to flavour Earl Grey tea, is a citrus fruit?” she quizzes.
Vincent has never even heard of bergamot and certainly never given it any thought.
Lacking in general knowledge, thinks Lucy.  Not a good sign.  Vincent tells her he doesn’t know much about food because he doesn’t cook all that much.  If he wants a nice meal he just rings up a friend and invites himself round for dinner.
They love having someone to cook for, he tells her.
Lucy wonders if the friends would say the same.
She deducts another point from Vincent’s score.  She needs a man who will cook for her.
Vincent recently signed up to one of those meal delivery services where they send you all the ingredients and you cook it yourself.
He tells her the meal was meant for two people but he ate it all himself.
At last, something we have in common! she rejoices.Conversation starts to flag again, so Lucy asks Vincent where he lives.  He tells her he has a flat in South London.  That means he’s stable and solvent. Check.
He’s annoyed because all the properties in his area are being bought up by Jewish people.
“What’s them being Jewish got to do with anything?” she asks.
“They just are,” he tells her.  “They’re buying up hundreds of properties. Jewish people are big property investors.”
Lucy wonders if he’s being anti-Semitic.
Then she wonders if she should tell him that her Dad is Jewish.

Happily, she remembers she has the totally legit excuse of having to catch a train back to Brighton.

Vincent offers to walk with her to the station.  Lucy is confused.
What can this mean?  Is he after a snog?  Surely he noticed we have zero chemistry?
Still she can’t exactly stop him from walking with her.  She decides that if he goes in for a snog she will let him. He is fit, after all. And it would be far more awkward to try to dodge it.

Luckily, when they get to the station he just gives her a peck on the cheek and leaves.

Lucy is relieved.


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Names and some minor details have been changed to protect the innocent. And sometimes the guilty.
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