The Married Man, Part 3 – Aftermath

Lucy’s in a bit of a predicament.  She’s developed spine-tingling girly feelings for her married friend, Michael.  If you missed the story, you can catch up here.

If you’ve been following the drama, you’ll probably remember that last week Lucy went to have dinner with Michael, and on the way there she posted this teeny-tiny, not-at-all overly-dramatic tweet on Twitter:

Off to dinner with the married man I'm in love with. I'll prob get drunk & cry, but can't resist... #whyarethegoodonestaken #lifesucks

What she thought was a fairly innocuous comment turned out to raise a few eyebrows, with several of Lucy’s less-forgiving followers arguing strongly that she should definitely not be going out for dinner with another woman’s husband because doing so would only lead to Trouble-with-a-capital-T.  (If you want to see what was said, you can do so here.)

Anyway,  it turns out that if you tweet about having feelings for a married man, and you are also followed on Twitter by a chap you used to date, you can be damn sure that said former date will see the tweet and will not be best pleased about it.

I am, of course, referring to Beardy Al.

Remember Al?  He’s the bearded mechanic and lifeboat volunteer who asked Lucy out via Twitter.  Lucy thought Al was really sweet and pretty hot (in spite of the beard), and Al was rather keen on Lucy too.  They went on several dates and it was all looking quite promising, but in spite of Al being a perfect gentleman and a bona fide action hero (with an action hero’s body), Lucy decided she wasn’t really feeling it.  So rather than string him along and risk hurting him, she decided to end it.   But they kept in touch sporadically via WhatsApp and Twitter, and had plans to meet up again as friends once the dust had settled.

When Al saw the ‘married man’ tweet, he was naturally a tad miffed to learn that he had actually travelled all the way to Brighton and even trimmed his beard for a woman who was harbouring strong feelings for someone else.  So he messaged her.

It’s a really messy situation isn’t it? It’s must drive you insane. Dating other guys whilst being in London be with someone else can’t be good x Huh? The whole married friend thing. Also, I'm sorry you had to read all that. I wish you didn't follow me sometimes! I'll live. There are worse things that can happen to a person. I hardly ever see him anyway, like 2-3 times a year at most and we have no mutual friends. [21:48, 9/24/2017] Al Hay: I haven’t read the blogs, just people’s reactions

Oh bollocks!  Lucy sometimes forgets that Al still follows her on Twitter and reads all her tweets about dating other guys.  Well, this is awkward, to say the least!   Though they’re not seeing each other any more, so she’s entitled to carry on with her life, but still… He’s a decent guy, and she really doesn’t want to be a dick.

Lucy, apparently, has failed at this.  Well done, Lucy, nicely played.  Not.

You can’t expect to find and fall for a guy all of the time that you feel like that about somebody else. I don't know. It's not like I'm holding out hope of anything happening. If I met someone else as amazing I'd probably get over it in an instant! Good luck I'm guessing after this you don't want to meet up next week...

Well now, there’s a question.

Lucy likes Al, as you’ll know if you’ve read the previous posts.  She likes his strength and his honesty, and was charmed by his very obvious interest in her and the fact that he made zero attempts to play it cool.  Not being remotely cool herself, Lucy relates hard to this.  She also likes spending time with people who think she’s awesome: it’s good for her ego.

Al is a country mile from all the usual time-wasters and narcissistic fucktards she usually comes across on her dating adventures. But she and Al are polar opposites in terms of backgrounds and life experiences, they don’t have much in common, and her gut instinct tells her that it probably wouldn’t work out in the long run.  She ain’t getting any younger, and she doesn’t want to waste his time or hers.

Plus, there’s the small matter of the beard.  Did I mention Lucy hates beards?

Lucy: I completely understand. I've been rubbish to you and the fact that you know about the blog definitely didn't help. I also think you're the sweetest, nicest, most charming and decent guy I've dated in a really long time, not to mention hot, and I'm a total idiot. I'd love to develop stronger feelings for you but I don't know if I will and I appreciate you've already been super patient with me and it's probably already worn to breaking point. Al: It’s not even the patience side of this, it’s just that I am willing to give up my free time which I give is in demand from 1. The small folk 2. Women who actually might want to see what happens 3. Myself and friends You frustrate me because all you women(bloggers) crack on about is meeting this ‘guy’ and how it’s usually is that fuck things up. Yet you say all of the above and yet it’s not enough. I think the problem is that you are looking for a guy to replace the married man - but we are all individuals so this is ‘never’ going to happen. Any man you meet will be different to him. You seriously frustrate me.....

Clearly Al is cross, because his messages are becoming garbled. But she thinks what he’s saying is that he doesn’t want to waste any more time on her either. He’d rather keep that free for his kids, his friends, and Other Girls.  Which is fair enough.  But that doesn’t give him the right to have a go at her, and, worse, to attempt to psychoanalyse her and point out all her faults – when he barely knows her.  Now that, that’s not entirely cool, Al.

But Lucy also finds it interesting that after weeks of being all charming and lovely, Al’s fighting spirit is finally coming out.  Well, he was in the army, after all.  And he’s clearly not afraid to stand up to her – which is pretty rare.  Some men appear to find Lucy a little intimidating, and while she might be pretty bloody terrifying to the type of guy who’s never had to fend off anything more scary than a house spider, she’s probably not that big a deal to someone who’s been face to face with the actual Taliban.

L: What I'm looking for is not to replace him, but to replicate the feeling I have when I'm with him. Married friends say that when they met their spouse they just clicked, the chemistry was there, it just worked. No doubt, no drama. "When you meet the right guy you'll know", "It shouldn't have to be hard work, it'll just be EASY" etc. I hear this ALL THE TIME. Even when I met The Ex it wasn't like that, he WAS hard work, and ultimately it ended. When I met my married friend we just connected immediately - I've honestly never felt anything like it in my whole life. THAT'S what I want. I just fear that it probably only happens once in a lifetime if you're lucky... Al: I that’s true I suppose you had better get used to the fact that you might be single for the rest of your life. He isn’t leaving his wife and it might be a once in a lifetime thing. I really hope that you find what you are looking for though, I truly do. Xxx Lucy: I'm well used to that fact, don't you worry. But are you saying that's NOT what you're looking for? Surely that's what everyone is looking for. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't light you up? Al: People light me up in different ways everyday - I look for the good in people and try not to focus on the negatives. My great grandad said years ago that you should expect 90% in your partner, nobody is perfect but 90% is near enough. It shouldn’t be hard work, but a successful marriage is about continually falls no in love over and over again. L: Married friend isn't 100%... he voted for Brexit! 🤣 Al: He is also married

The man makes a good point.  Clearly not an idiot.  But Lucy knew that – he likes her, after all.  He must be pretty bright.

Lucy: That too. Listen, it's really not a thing. I like him but I rarely see him which is why he doesn't come up. Last time I saw him was June. It's not a big deal. I'm perfectly capable of meeting someone else and falling for them - if there's a connection. I really don't think that's asking too much. Lucy: Anyway, I need to get ready for filming tomorrow and then go to bed. I'd like to see you, but obviously I understand that (a) you're pissed off with me and (b) it would probably be weird and awkward now. Al: Give me a few days to have a think, but yes I am pissed off with you. X L: Fair enough. You have every right to be. And again, I'm sorry. The last thing I want / wanted to do is hurt you.

Lucy feels terrible.  Al’s a sweet guy and deserves to be happy.  Wouldn’t life be so damn easy if she could feel what he wants her to feel?

Al: Oh well, lessons learnt. I think I will just be more careful with who I go for from now on. x Lucy: Ignore me. Be yourself. You are a really great guy, it's me that ruined this, not you. Please don't let me being messed up change you from being the great guy obviously are. Maybe I'm just not the right girl for you but I'm sure another won't be so stupid. Al: You are lovely, but my god you really are not ready to date or meet anybody. You set out on dates thinking that they will fail, and that’s really sad. You need to fall out of love with your married friend and then try again.

Ok, now she’s getting a bit cross.  Sod off, Al, she thinks.  You don’t know me.  We went on a few dates, that’s all.  Bugger off with your over-thinking and your armchair psychology.  Who are you, Sigmund bloody Freud?

But at the same time, as much as she disagrees with what he’s saying, Lucy is also impressed with Al.  Finally, here’s a guy who has the gumption to stand up to her, and the emotional intelligence to express what he’s feeling.   He really is quite special, and Lucy is 100% convinced that it won’t be long before another woman, one far more sensible than she, snaps him up.

In fact, it might even be sooner than she thought.  Possibly in an attempt to prove that he is moving on and most definitely is not pining for her, Al shares some exciting news.

Seriously? Is this for real?

Lucy’s beyond delighted.  An actual reader of this blog who knows Al In Real Life was so inspired by the story that she asked him out?! What could be better than that?  Imagine if they were to get married because of her and her little blog?

Of course, Lucy’s not surprised.  Al is the manly yet gentle and handsome army hero from tales of yore (aka this blog), and there are probably dozens of ladies out there who’d love the opportunity to track him down and ask him out if they could.

Lucy imagines Al getting married on the beach at Hastings.  Maybe there will be hot army guys there in uniform.  Maybe the bride will arrive over the sea by lifeboat.   Lucy needs to see if she can wrangle herself an invite.

Lucy heads off to add ‘professional matchmaker’ to her CV.

NEXT TIME: people have been asking what happened with Lewis, the ‘second anniversary date’ guy.  All will be revealed…



  1. Sarah Smith
    25th November 2017 / 7:05 pm

    Whoa…Al was salty

    • Lucy
      27th November 2017 / 9:11 pm

      He means well, though, I think, and fair play to him for being able to express his feelings!

  2. Hazel
    25th November 2017 / 11:19 pm

    Your life gets better and better, can’t wait for your next date. Have you thought about becoming an author? It would be an interesting read and I’d type it for free.

    • Lucy
      27th November 2017 / 9:12 pm

      Haha thanks Hazel! Maybe one day I will, perhaps this blog will be the start of something… one can but hope. And that’s a very kind offer indeed, though my typing is pretty good already, so I’ll probably be ok… 🙂

  3. TheCube
    27th November 2017 / 12:57 pm

    Nice blog. I really enjoy reading it and look forward to the next post.

    I have a couple of questions if you don’t mind.

    1 – The chronology is a bit confusing (at least for me). Was the married man thing before the Al thing ? If so why did you choose to blog about it only later ?

    2 – Is Al right to feel you are judging new relationships in comparison to the feelings you had for M? Is that fair, i truly think Al has a point.

    3- May we know, in your own evaluation, why nobody sticks around too long ? It cannot only be because of these poor men. You surely have an idea.
    Do you think you place the bar too high ?
    Don’t you think that we are more “flexible” and forgiving for relationships in our 20s than we are past 35. Too many boxes to tick, too little room left for surprises.

    Keep it up and good luck.

    • Lucy
      27th November 2017 / 9:45 pm

      Thanks! I’m so glad you enjoy it. And some good questions there…

      1. I met Michael a while back, before I even started this blog. But after that it’s all in chronological order, ie. I went on various dates with Al, that ended, then I went for dinner with the married man and tweeted about it, then Al got back in touch…

      2. Yes I think he is right to think that because it’s probably true, but I don’t think there is anything wrong in my doing that. I’m looking for someone who inspires me as much as M does. If they don’t do that, they they are probably not the right one for me.

      3. You’d have to ask a psychologist that I’m afraid! But an armchair analysis might suggest it has to do with (a) the fact that I was bullied and unpopular at school, so maybe inside there is part of me that still doesn’t have any confidence with men, and doesn’t really believe anyone would actually be attracted… or (b) the fact that I have been single so long now that this is my status quo, my comfort zone, and maybe it’s easier to just stay here, even though I was much happier when I was with The Ex. I dunno though. What do you think?!
      And I’m afraid I wouldn’t really know about relationships in your 20s. I didn’t really have enough of them to be able to tell you!

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Names and some minor details have been changed to protect the innocent. And sometimes the guilty.
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