The Banter King, Part 3 – Follow Up

Lucy has just been on a date with Barry from West London, with whom she got drunk and then made out behind a bus stop like she’s a student all over again.  Though to be fair, when Lucy was a student she was so crap with men that she almost never made out behind bus stops, or anywhere much at all for that matter.

(If you’re not up to speed on what’s been going on, you might want to nip back and read from the start – or the references in this post won’t make sense.)

The date ended when Barry managed to get his hand inside the back of Lucy’s knickers and give her bum a good squeeze, and Lucy, being the sort of girl who likes to get to know a chap before allowing him to take such outrageous liberties, decided things had gone quite far enough thank-you-very-much and called it a night.

But the alarmingly naughty Barry’s not quite done yet.  No sooner has the bus driven away, than he sends her a text message (and not a WhatsApp, which Lucy prefers as it allows her to keep track of all her messages in one place).

As as much as Lucy’s a feminist and doesn’t want to be objectified, it’s still nice to get recognition for all that hard work she puts in down the gym.

Though she is starting to find Barry’s infatuation with her arse a little tedious.  Where’s the charm, Barry? We’ve had one date and now it has to be all about my body?  I do have a brain too, you know… 

Lucy knows she probably shouldn’t encourage him, but they do seem to have great chemistry, and the banter is extremely entertaining.  Anyway, she thinks, it’s all fairly innocent; plenty of guys would have been way more pervy by now.  Nothing wrong with a little bit of gentle flirting.  After all, it’s nice to know he finds her attractive.

She hasn’t even got home from the first date and already he’s asking for a second?  This is good stuff.  It’s the waiting for replies and not knowing that drives Lucy nuts, but clearly Barry’s not going to cause any problems there.

Well this is a welcome change of tone.  Barry dropping the cheeky banter and asking a genuine question?  Lucy’s almost surprised to discover he has a serious, potentially even vulnerable side to him – and she rather likes it.

Lucy gets off the bus and walks home thinking about Barry.  Handsome, sporty, funny – and now he’s proving he’s even got a sweet side too.  With all this Lucy reckons she might even be able to forgive the stupid name and the even more stupid accent.

But then, a curveball…

Lucy is unimpressed.  FFS, Barry, she thinks, we’ve only had one date!  Why is it that guys always have to immediately make it all about sex? Whatever happened to charm, to chivalry, to getting to know each other a bit first? To a little bit of old-fashioned wooing?

Lucy would very much like to be wooed – but it would appear that maybe Barry is not the man for that after all.  Lucy tries to hide her disappointment and shuts the conversation down.

In spite of the disappointment, the fast and furious texting resumes the next day.  After all, they were both drunk.  Maybe he just got carried away?  Maybe he just needs to be reined in a little?  Lots of guys will try their luck, but maybe Lucy just needs to set the boundaries.  After all, they do have great chemistry, and he is cute.  And he hasn’t overstepped the line too badly. It’s not like he sent a photo of his penis or anything like that. So she decides to carry on and see what happens.

Lucy, now sober, has checked back through the previous night’s texts to make sure she didn’t say anything ill-advised.  She’s delighted to see that she didn’t.  Hurrah for drunk Lucy and her built-in censor!

She reports this back to Barry, who tells her he hasn’t re-read the messages yet as he’s too nervous.

Is he joking? She thinks he’s joking. Surely he didn’t really have vodka before coming to meet her?

‘You was or you wasn’t?’  No, Barry, it’s you were or you weren’t.  FFS, can’t the man even speak basic English.  For all that he’s cute and funny, Lucy wonders if she can ever really have enough in common with a man whose grasp of his mother tongue is so poor.

But, in an attempt to keep things on track, she decides not to point it out.  At least not this time.  Instead, she focuses more on the issue at hand: trying to rein Barry in a little and set some clear boundaries about what is and isn’t appropriate for two people who have only had one date.

It’s hardly an apology, but it’s very difficult to know with Barry.  Given that the tone of the relationship so far has been all about the banter, it’s impossible to tell if he really means any of what he says at all.

He messages her again the next evening, asking what she’s up to.  Lucy is just on her way to a spinning class.

While Lucy is still enjoying the banter, she is starting to get a little tired of the constant references to her bum.  The man seems to be bloody obsessed!  Though at the same time, not quite obsessed enough to actually ask her on that second date.

Lucy gets really fucking eye-rollingly bored of constant text tennis that leads nowhere.  She wants to know if a second date is actually happening, and if so, when.  She’s a busy lady, her diary gets full up quickly, and she’s totally over guys who just text random shite without ever actually committing to anything.  She’s not going to put up with any of that kind of behaviour from Barry, that’s for sure.

And yet for all his protestations, Barry still doesn’t actually ask her when she’s free, or offer up any kind of suggestion.  In fact, he doesn’t reply at all.

Lucy is mystified and a little annoyed.   What is going on?  Has he changed his mind about that date? Has he been put off by her reluctance to engage in sex chat?

Lucy wonders if, in spite of his protestations, Barry is in fact just like so many other guys: only interested in One Thing, and not patient or genuinely interested enough to take the time to get to know her a little first.

After two days without a reply, and starting to get a little annoyed, she follows up again with a cheery hello. But again, he doesn’t answer.  This is actually kind of weird. He did seem really keen – and they were getting on so well!  Why would he just vanish?  The fuckboy alarm bells are starting to ring quite loudly now.

Another two days pass – clearly the guy has lost interest.  Lucy is royally fucked off, but as always she’s not going to go down without a fight.  If he’s going to ghost her, she wants to know why.

Didn’t hear back yesterday? What the bloody hell is the man on about?

This all sounds highly dubious.  Is Barry making shit up now?  Of course she has no way of proving that; she’s going to have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Lucy really doesn’t want to get into yet another conversation about her arse, and tells him so.

Lucy is more than a little embarrassed.  They’ve only had one date and he’s just used the word ‘cum’ twice in quick succession.  She tries to turn the subject round to a nicer topic.

Although Lucy doesn’t call him out on it, she’s actually really rather tired of Barry’s constant sexual overtones.  The fact that he said meeting her was his favourite bit is very sweet, but then why did he have to ruin it with the second part of the sentence? They’ve only had one date FFS!  She likes the guy, he’s cute, and funny, so if he would just cool it a little, be charming, take her out on a few nice dates, and just make her feel like he’s interested in her as a person and not just as a potential shag, then she’d probably sleep with him.  When the fuck will guys learn this?!

For the second time, Lucy gives him the benefit of the doubt and tries to raise the tone a little.

Lucy does love that moment – the anticipation before a first kiss, or before sleeping with someone she’s really attracted to for the first time.  it’s why she doesn’t like to rush into things: once gone, that moment is lost forever.

Barry, on the other hand, seems to want to rush in hard and fast (if you’ll pardon the pun).  He tells Lucy that he would have done more than just kiss her that night if she’d let him.

Since they were in a street in West London Lucy’s not entirely sure what else would have been possible, so she asks him to explain.

Lucy can no longer deny it.  Barry is clearly just after One Thing.  Which is a bit of a shame, but if she’s honest Lucy has to admit she didn’t really ever think he was going to be her future husband – their backgrounds are just too different.  But it’s not the end of the world: he’s still cute and funny, and they have fantastic chemistry, so Lucy could definitely also be interested in doing that One Thing with Barry.  But only after getting to know each other better, and only if he would just calm down a little, and at least pretend to be interested in her as a person, and not just as a sex object.

Lucy changes the subject, and asks when and where this second date is going to take place.  Barry is only free on Wednesday, and since getting any kind of commitment to a date out of him was next to impossible, Lucy agrees to rearrange the friend she already had plans with that evening.

Lucy really doesn’t know what to make of Barry any more.  The first date went better than any she’s had in a really long time, and it’s rare that she meets guys with whom she has such great chemistry.  But since the date the conversation has become a little, well, challenging, and Barry has thrown out a few definite amber flags.

She’s excited to see him again, but also cautious.  Will he be charming and interested in her, or will he just try even harder to get more of his body parts into her knickers?

(To find out what happened on date 2, click here)




  1. Hazel West
    30th December 2017 / 2:52 pm

    OMG Lucy, isn’t that the way? it’s the same across all age groups. I’m in the autumn verging on winter age range and they are just like Barry. What happened to romance.
    Another great instalment but (hope you don’t mind me saying this) why is he only free on Wednesday?


    • Lucy
      3rd January 2018 / 11:06 pm

      It’s so disappointing, Hazel. You hope that one day they might grow up, but it appears they never do! I’m thinking a younger man is the way forward, because at least he’ll still have some get-up-and-go! 🙂
      As for Wednesday – I don’t know. I guess he has other commitments.

  2. Lisa
    30th December 2017 / 5:25 pm

    well, banters are a bit of a contest.

    The girl: “I can impress/charm you into wanting a relationship with me!”

    The guy: “No, i will make you fall really in love with me/have sex with me, way before i even think of any relationship. Let me show you how i can impress and entertain you, with my words!
    (you might even get emotions/fall before i suggest a first date, you might get impatient and ask me out first)”

    At least the guy sees it that way.

    /my two cents

  3. Lisa
    30th December 2017 / 5:41 pm

    So in many cases, the guy just needs to text for a couple of days, be witty, funny, etc, and he doesn’t even have to bother to have sex with you/meet you, because he made such an impact with his texting that he already has your emotions. (Amir)

    In general: For a girl, bantering is an emotional investment, but not for a guy.

    • Lucy
      3rd January 2018 / 11:08 pm

      I wouldn’t say bantering is an emotional investment for me. I just like guys who can do good banter – as you might have guessed I’m quite chatty, I’m good with words, so I want to meet someone who is the same. I find charisma and a quit wit incredibly attractive.

  4. Sarah Smith
    30th December 2017 / 9:40 pm

    My oh my…Barry is as frustrating as he is entertaining 😛

    Apologies for my crudeness, but he seems like the kind of guy who would be fun to fuck until you find a more suitable guy to settle down with 😉

    • Lucy
      3rd January 2018 / 11:08 pm

      He is rather, isn’t he! And yes, you are probably right…

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