Mr No-Relationship, Part 11 – Fight

It’s been two weeks since Lucy matched with Brad, and what a fortnight it’s been. In just 14 days they’ve gone from two random playing cards in the Tinder deck to the hero and heroine of Lucy’s very own romantic movie, and already she is Baby to his Johnny, Sandy to his Danny – the geeky good girl fallen head over heels for the charismatic bad boy.

If you’ve missed any of this, you can read from the start here (might take you a while!) or skip to last week’s post here.

It’s a bank holiday in Kenya, and Brad and Lucy have rented another car and are on their way to Nyeri for the long weekend. Nyeri is a former British colonial market town close to two National Parks, and while Lucy will swear blind that she’s looking forward to seeing some more of the country, what she’s really excited about is getting to spend more nauseating loved-up time with her – eek! – new boyfriend.

There’s a group of them going, including Lucy’s 28-year-old colleague Emma and five of her mates, Brad’s friends Anna and Byron (who it turns out are not a couple), and four others.   Most of them have booked the same hotel, which probably means they’ll all spend the weekend getting shitfaced in the hotel bar until well after the long-suffering staff thought they’d be allowed to go home.

Lucy and Brad left it too late to book so they’re staying a little way outside of town instead, and while Lucy definitely has party FOMO, she’s also pleased that they’ll be able to escape when the idiotic drinking games come out.  If she and Brad get to sneak away quietly to have sex in their hotel instead, she doesn’t mind missing a few rounds of Ring of Fire or Fuzzy Duck in the slightest.

Though whether they’ll actually do this is rather in doubt. The previous night at Brad’s hotel he was practically icy, refusing her offer to join him in the shower, and then putting on some bullshit horror flick full of loud bangs and shrieking and entirely ignoring her.   What sort of a man would rather watch some straight-to-video piece of shit than get frisky with his brand new girlfriend, for actual fuck’s sake?!

She joins him on the bed, wrapped in a white towel which she allows to slide down in what she hopes is a seductive fashion so that one breast is exposed like a horny Greek statue, but he doesn’t appear to notice, and it’s not until the movie ends after two fucking hours of relentless screaming that she finally gets the action she was after.  But now she’s spent the last two hours angrily overthinking all possible reasons why he might be ignoring her, and the enjoyment has been entirely sucked out of the sex by the onset of panic that he’s already losing interest.  Can he really be one of these guys who fucks a girl and then dumps her as soon as he’s had his wicked way with her? But if that’s the case, why did he tell his mum about her? Why did he say he didn’t want her seeing other guys? Jesus H Christ! 

She wishes she could just bloody ask him why he’s cooled off, but she knows she can’t.  It would come across as insecure and needy, and everyone knows that being needy is more of a passion-killer than ripping off someone’s clothes and discovering they have a tattoo of Boris Johnson.

Calm Before The Storm

They arrive at their guesthouse around lunchtime, and after dumping their stuff, drive out to a nearby game reserve where they’ve agreed to meet some of the others for a wildlife-spotting expedition.  Now that he’s away from the city Brad seems to have relaxed, frequently reassuring her with little touches, or catching her eye and giving her the lopsided smile he does with one half of his mouth that makes her stomach flip like an Olympic gymnast.

Lucy’s overthinky brain begins to settle down again.  Maybe it’s ok, she thinks. Maybe it’s just stress that makes him seem cold. Maybe he isn’t going to dump me after all.

She wonders if she might already be falling in love. Fuck. This is Not Good.

Anna nudges her. “You two are super cute together,” she smiles, and Lucy’s heart rejoices with choirs of angels and a brass band fanfare.

We are, aren’t we? she thinks. Fuck yeah! Look at me being cute with an ACTUAL boy.  If only The Ex could see me now!

But the cuteness is set to be short-lived.  The shit, as they say, is about to hit the proverbial fan.  And then splatter everywhere, all over the freshly-painted white walls.

First Blood

It all kicks off later that evening.  They’d driven into town for a romantic dinner à deux before rejoining the gang back at their hotel, where Brad makes a beeline for the bar.

“Wait a sec,” Lucy stops him. “We’ve already had a bottle of wine. Someone’s going to have to drive back later…”

By someone, she obviously means him.  So far she hasn’t done any driving in Kenya at all, and doesn’t fancy starting now, not in the dark and on these crazy dirt roads.

“Don’t worry, it’s ok,” he assures her. “I know my limits.  I can drink way more than this and still be fine. I do it all the time back home.  Now what are you having?”

Lucy feels like a hideous party pooper, but she doesn’t like this one bit.  She’s seen the science, she knows how reactions can be impaired after alcohol, and she once had a colleague who was nearly killed by a drunk driver.  She’s definitely not comfortable with getting in a car with someone who’s over the limit, especially not in Kenya, what with all the suicidal chickens and blithely-unaware goats that throw themselves in front of any passing vehicle like deranged lemmings.  If Brad’s determined to get on the booze, she’ll just have to take the wheel, much as she’d rather not.

“Look, it’s ok,” she says, “Just get a beer for you and I’ll have water.  I’ll drive.”

But Brad’s having none of this. “Why don’t you trust me?” he demands forcefully. “I drive after several beers in Australia all the time!  I know my limits and I wouldn’t drive if I didn’t feel safe.  You don’t want to drive on these roads, I know you don’t.  So chill the hell out and let’s both have another drink.”

The argument escalates.  Lucy, burdened with guilt for spoiling Brad’s fun, ropes in Anna to help her convince him that he should just buy his beer and allow her to drive, but it doesn’t work.  Instead, he huffily backs down and says fine, he won’t have any more, but he’s clearly pissed off and now Lucy feels like a terrible killjoy, though at the same time she also thinks he’s being a cunt. The tension is thicker than the entire cast of TOWIE combined, and it only gets worse by the time they get back to their guest house. Brad gets straight into bed and rolls over to sleep without so much as a kiss goodnight, and Lucy lies there in the dark feeling like a huge sack of freshly-minted shite, trying to figure out how she could have handled this differently.

Is this the beginning of the end? she wonders. Or did they just have their first fight? Maybe there’ll be makeup sex in the morning.

Ever the optimist, our Lucy.

Tactics

The next morning Brad is still distant.  Lucy tries to fix this by being as bright and cheery as her gut-wrenching insecurities will allow, but they may as well be two friends for the amount of affection he shows.  In an attempt to paper over the cracks she suggests trying to move to the same hotel as the others so that Brad can get as shitfaced tonight as he likes without killing anyone, and when they phone they’re in luck: there’s been a cancellation.  Problem solved.  Everything’s going to be fine.

Except it isn’t.  The entire group goes to spend the day hiking in the National Park, and Brad continues to be  standoffish.  Instead of shining his bright light on her, now he directs it towards everyone else: the charismatic Mr Popular as always, but with Lucy now simply his silent minion, trailing along dutifully behind in his shadow. She watches him being the centre of attention and feels so proud to be able to call him hers, and equally terrified that she might not be able to do so for very much longer.  So she tries to make him want her again by playing an alternate game of flirting, and then backing off to talk to other people, in the hope that he’ll miss her and seek out her company.  Which of course he doesn’t, he barely seems to even notice if she’s there or not.

By the end of the day Lucy’s tired and hungry and utterly fucking fed up.  She wants to go back to the hotel for a shower before dinner, but they’ve found a place for post-hike drinks and Brad’s already had several beers and shows no sign of wanting to leave, so they have another disagreement which puts Lucy into an Olympic level sulk.  With her insecurities now in meltdown she convinces herself that he thinks she’s a boring old cow because she doesn’t want to chain-smoke Marlboros, get hammered on cheap local gin, and play real-life Grand Theft Auto like the cool kids do, and that he far prefers party-girl Anna, who’s undoubtedly way more fun because she smokes and can stay up getting rat-arsed until five am and STILL be up at eight for a bacon butty and a quick jog up the nearest mountain.

When they do finally head back to town, Brad gets behind the wheel without a word, as if challenging Lucy to say something about the amount he’s had to drink, but she can’t face another argument, so she says nothing, fastens her seatbelt, and sits with her butt cheeks tightly clenched the entire journey back.

Tailspin

Brad heads straight to the bar with some of the others, and Lucy goes to shower and change by herself.  Alone in the room she feels sick with dread.  The situation appears to have slipped out of her grasp now – she has no idea what went wrong, or how to fix it, but what she does know is that when a boy starts cooling off this early in the game, the absolute last thing you can do is attempt to discuss it.  Hell to the no.  Saying anything is absolutely cast-iron guaranteed to come across as needy and have him disappearing over the horizon faster than you can say ‘commitmentphobe’.  So she resolves to be strong.  This evening she absolutely will not chase him.  She will be the poster girl for fun, she will flirt and joke with everyone BUT him, and he will see how dazzling she is and immediately remember how much he likes her and come running back to her side.

What could possibly go wrong?

For a while this actually seems to work.  At dinner Lucy deliberately sits at the opposite end of the table and chats to some of Emma’s friends, and when she walks past Brad on her way back from the loo he reaches a hand out to her and, since there’s no spare seat, invites her to perch for a while on his knee.  No Olympic gold-medal winner, speeding across the finish line, has ever been happier than Lucy is at that moment.

But the glory is short-lived.  After dinner, Brad disappears outside to get trashed with Anna and her other friends, and so Lucy sits indoors, hiding her anxiety by getting gradually sozzled with Emma and her mate Rob, who seems to be flirting with her.  So she flirts back and waits for Brad to notice.

He comes over at about 1 am, eyes glassy and with a massive strop on. “I’m going to bed,” he snaps.  “Are you coming?”

Lucy, who by this stage has had at least four glasses of wine and is sitting on Rob’s lap, gets up.  So he is jealous after all.  At least that’s something.

Meltdown

Back in the room, with the confidence only alcohol can provide, she confronts him.

“What’s wrong?  Why are you cross with me?”

“You know why!  I’m fed up with you SMOTHERING me!  You having a go at me about drink-driving was NOT acceptable!  You’re acting like my MOTHER!  I DON’T need a mother, I already have one!”

Lucy’s taken aback by the force of his ire.  “Ok look,” she says, trying to be calm, “I’m sorry if you think I was out of order, and maybe things are different for you back home, but in the UK we just do not drink and drive. EVER. And I had a colleague who was nearly killed by a drunk driver!  So of course I’m not going to be comfortable with it, and I really don’t think that’s unreasonable!”

“It’s like you don’t TRUST me, though.  I’ve TOLD you, I drive after a few beers ALL the time back home!  I KNOW my limits!”

But of course she doesn’t trust him.  Drunk drivers always think they’re fine to drive – otherwise they wouldn’t do it.  Clearly she can’t tell him that, so gives him some bollocks about how of course she trusts him, but that he should respect her boundaries, and Brad gets angrier and more aggressive until Lucy, who has never, in all her years, been shouted at by a man in this way, drunkenly bursts into tears.  The argument gets louder, as Lucy tries to explain again why she’s not comfortable with drink driving, especially not on these roads in the dark, and Brad basically ignores her perfectly valid view and accuses her of being controlling, and the whole thing escalates until pretty soon Brad’s yelling and Lucy’s sobbing can probably be heard in the next district.

“But that was yesterday anyway,” she wails. “It was one tiny disagreement!  In an adult relationship you’re supposed to be able to discuss these things and move on.  But you’ve been shitty to me all fucking day!”

“I TOLD you!” he shouts again. “I’m petrified of getting hurt again!  THAT’S why I keep my distance!”

Lucy’s ugly-crying now, snivelling and red in the face with mascara trails down her cheeks. “I get that, but you have to be in or out!  Either this is a relationship, or it isn’t.  You can’t be on the fence!  If you’re not ready then maybe we should end this!”

“Fuck this,” Brad snarls.  “I’m not doing this now.”  He storms into the bathroom and slams the door, and Lucy flees back out to the bar, her face a mess of snot and makeup streaks and dried tears, to seek support from Anna.

She finds her in the corner of the bar, wrapped round one of Emma’s friends, a handsome 30-year-old Frenchman named Julien.  Anna does not look at all like she’s keen on being interrupted right now, but this is a critical emergency, so Lucy drags her aside to explain what’s happened.

“Oh fuck him,” says Anna, matter-of-factly. “He’s a nice guy but you can see he just wants to be free and single with no strings attached.  You can’t expect commitment from a guy like that.  Ditch him.” She gives Lucy a sympathetic squeeze and buries her face back in the Frenchman.

Everyone else has gone to bed, so with nowhere else to turn, Lucy goes back to the room.  Brad is naked, spreadeagled on the bed, and fast asleep.  Or pretending to be, she doesn’t know which.  She lies down next to him and tries to sleep too, but she can’t: her stomach is too knotted with fear that this brilliant, brightly-burning thing may already be plummeting to earth in a devastating fireball.

Peace Offering

As soon as she wakes, the memory of last night’s screaming row, and the sick dread of what it might mean, comes flooding back.  She lies awake, wondering what to do.  Yes, he behaved like a cunt, and he was a total shit to her, but does one drunken fight outweigh two weeks of near-perfection?  Surely all they need to do is discuss it, apologise, and put it behind them.  Maybe with some of that makeup sex.

With this in mind, she attempts a peace offering by rolling over to Brad’s side of the bed and cuddling up to him.  He responds by wrapping his arms and legs round her and pulling her in tight.  Now she can’t really breathe, but who cares about that right now.  Breathing’s not important.  What is, is that she’s going make this all ok again.  She has to, because if she can’t, then she has zero fucking clue how she will ever manage to survive the rest of her time in Kenya.

She begins stroking him, first his arms and chest, then down over his stomach and below.  He responds immediately to her touch.  She carries on for a while, getting turned on watching him becoming hard, but apart from that slight movement she gets no reaction at all, so eventually she gives up.

“Why have you stopped?” he mutters sleepily.
“Well I wasn’t getting much of a reaction.”
“Don’t you see me getting hard? I was enjoying having my cock stroked!”

Lucy starts up again, but as before, he just lies there, and after a while she gets fed up.  Why should he get to enjoy himself, while she does all the work?  He was a total shitbag last night, she thinks, so why the fuck should I be pleasing him? He should be apologising to ME!

There’s only one thing for it.  If they’re going to clear the air, they’re going to need to talk about what happened.  But Brad is hungover and grumpy, and refuses to engage.

“But we should talk about this,” she pleads. We’ve got to spend the whole day together, I don’t want it to be another shitty day like yesterday.”

“I’ve TOLD you,” he snaps, as though he’s scolding his toddler, “I DON’T want to TALK about it now. So DROP IT, OK!”
“Please don’t speak to me like that,” she objects. “I’m not one of your children.”

He gets up, marches into the bathroom, and turns on the shower.  Conversation over, apparently.

Lucy’s desperate. Her anxiety and insecurity have reached DEFCON level 1, they appear to be on the brink of relationship Armageddon, and unless they can reach some kind of accord, her day is going to be utterly hideous.  She simply can’t leave things like this.

So she does want any totally wretched woman would do in her situation: she follows him into the bathroom and gets into the shower too.

Oh Lucy, what the fuck are you doing?

It ends up being a quick, angry fuck, and Lucy can’t help thinking she’s making a total cunting balls-up of everything and letting both herself AND the entire sisterhood down by using sex to try to fix a problem.  Not that it seems to be working anyway: this doesn’t feel like happy makeup sex, this is something altogether darker and far less reassuring.  But still, it’s a communication of sorts, and afterwards she feels a little bit less abandoned.  Besides, at that point what else could she have done?

They go for breakfast and meet up with the others.  No one says anything, and peace seems to be restored, but it’s an uneasy truce, and the three-hour drive back to Nairobi passes in almost total silence.

Maybe it’s just his hangover, thinks Lucy, clutching at straws.  One argument doesn’t mean you have to break up, does it?

But dark clouds are definitely gathering.

Next time: Lucy attempts to get things back on track.  Click here to read on.

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33 Comments

  1. Stephanie
    22nd September 2018 / 10:11 am

    Yikes. Red flags all over the place. I don’t get how someone can be one thing for two weeks or 3 months (in my case) and then all of a sudden change. Emotional whiplash.

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 5:59 pm

      Yikes indeed. And emotional whiplash sums it up well! Yes, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but it was certainly the quickest! Hopefully other people reading will also relate, I’m sure many others will have experienced this sort of thing.

  2. 22nd September 2018 / 11:22 am

    I really enjoy this blog, as well as being well written and funny, it’s a fascinating insight into the female psyche. Never really thought I’d comment on this but the way he appears to have treated you on this holiday sounds pretty bad. The texts where he got really angry at slight things was a massive red flag. Think you’ve dodged a bullet here.

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 5:57 pm

      Hey Henry, welcome and thank you so much for your kind words. Yes I suppose you could get an insight into the female psyche from me, and in many respects I probably do think like a lot of women – but don’t assume that all women are like me. Most are probably not nearly so overthinky… and a few may be even more mental! 😉

      • 23rd September 2018 / 11:48 am

        Haha it’s weird I’ve never followed a blog before but there’s just something about Lucy…

        Ha I’m more inclined to believe it’s representative of an instinct honed over eons and eons to try n make good reproductive choices. But it runs counter to our desires to think maybe this time – this it…I think men think about all this stuff almost as much.

        What’s weird is when even a short spell of romance or whatever can reverberate for months and you find yourself regularly thinking about it when going about your day. I always find driving invokes it….

        But anyway guess I’m trying to say you’re not alone in your over thinking. Are we meant to believe that all that should go away when we meet the right one? I don’t think it ever will, doubt and uncertainty are always part of a relationship surely…which what makes the moments when all that momentarily dissapates so good.

        • Lucy
          Author
          23rd September 2018 / 7:11 pm

          Well in that case I am delighted you decided to ‘pop your blog-following cherry’ with me! 🙂
          Yeah I know this was just a very short fling, but honestly as you can tell this one really got to me. That hasn’t happened since my ex, and we ended up in a 5.5 year relationship. So even though we’d only just met, I really did think this could be a thing. We had such incredible chemistry, and he seemed just as into me as I was into him.
          And yes, I always over think. It’s who I am, and no it won’t go away. I just have to try to keep it under control and not self-sabotage!

  3. 22nd September 2018 / 11:41 am

    Oh my god! Reading this made me mad!
    He was being absolutely ridiculous. He had no respect for
    A) your boundaries and feelings
    B) actual science and facts about drink driving.

    And then he responded to the problem like an aggressive toddler.
    Absolutely fuck him.

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 5:55 pm

      Ahh, I’m so sorry it made you mad! But thank you for being so angry on my behalf! Yeah I do think he did behave really badly in this case, to be honest I was less annoyed about the original argument, and more about how he handled it afterwards. Clearly incapable of having an adult conversation, and no wonder he has such a sour relationship with his ex. I suspect she’s probably only ‘psycho’ because he’s made her so!

  4. CocoCC
    22nd September 2018 / 2:48 pm

    Hey Lucy I came across your blog when you published the first of these “Mr No-Relationship” series and I’ve been hooked ever since. I look forward to Saturday mornings for the next installment 🙂 I’ve been so intrigued to see where the Brad storyline will go and obviously the title of the posts was a huge clue that it wasn’t going to end well. As a single woman also in my late 30s I’ve dated a few “Brad”-a-likes in my time and can spot their behaviour early enough to keep my distance before getting too deep emotionally. Your Brad had many clues: super hot too early, the constant texting and complementing within days of first meeting, suddenly going cold out of the blue leaving you anxious and wondering if you’ve done something to put him off, the “I’ve fallen hard and fast for women in my past and they’ve all hurt me” sob story, the future-faking (bringing up the topic of you leaving after a few months, xmas plans etc) and the full on gas lighting you in this post (turning it around on you as if you were overreacting about his drink driving and then making YOU look clingy when he pretty much asked you to be in a relationship less than 2 weeks after you met). No big loss for you here, this is not a stable individual and there were many clues – good riddance. Still, I’m enjoying reading this every week and seeing how it all unfolds. Keep up the great work and keep the dating hope alive!

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 5:53 pm

      Hi Coco! Welcome and thank you so much for reading and commenting! Yes I guess the warning signs were there, but it’s so hard to see them when you’re in it. And as much as we’ve all been warned and had bad experiences before, I do try really hard to trust, and not be too cynical, because that can push someone away just as quickly as being too keen. And as I said in a previous post, the dream does happen! I know people it’s happened to! So you just want to believe that this time it’s finally happened to you. Sadly that turned out not to be the case.

      • CocoCC
        23rd September 2018 / 7:49 am

        I totally agree, you definitely don’t want to enter into a new thing being cynical because you set yourself up to fail. But the female instinct is also a powerful tool – a careful balance of that and being open :). Cant wait for the next installment and sorry you had to go through this x

        • Lucy
          Author
          23rd September 2018 / 7:17 pm

          You’re right. I definitely should listen to my gut more. I’m so much of a thinker I’m always ruled by my head, by logic, and a lot by what I WANT to believe. I definitely need to learn to trust my instincts!
          And thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment!

  5. 22nd September 2018 / 4:12 pm

    Oh, Lucy, noooooo… All this sounded totally unfair on you 🙁

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 5:50 pm

      I did feel quite hard done by, I must say. I’ve tried to tell it as honestly as possible, and I probably did fuck up somewhere along the line, but I’m not really sure where.

  6. Bluesoup
    22nd September 2018 / 6:08 pm

    Classic narc. Fuck. I hope you know that this isn’t you. It’s a typical and very deliberate strategy.

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 7:24 pm

      I’m not sure he’s that clever or manipulative. I think he’s just a bit of a dickhead.

  7. Anonymous
    22nd September 2018 / 6:19 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHA. Forever on the shelf!

    • Lucy
      Author
      22nd September 2018 / 7:20 pm

      Thank you for your valued input, Anonymous reader :/

  8. 22nd September 2018 / 8:10 pm

    Okay, so I know that your time with him has already ended and you’re done with this guy, but I just want to drive it home: Brad is a fucking asshole. Yeah, he might have been drunk when this all fell apart, but always remember this: Being drunk doesn’t change a person. It simply allows them to become who they truly are. And just who is Brad? Brad is a:

    -drunken, irresponsible shithead who rages against anyone willing to call him out on his bullshit
    -horribly irresponsible asshole who thinks drunken driving is perfectly fine
    -piece of shit who gas-lighted you when you wanted to have a reasonable discussion instead of owning up to his shitty behavior
    -guy who is sexually selfish and didn’t realize that women need clitoral stimulation to get off. I know that was from a few posts ago, but still. It was WTF enough that I felt it warranted another mention
    -idiot who gets the same woman pregnant multiple times even though he has complained about how fundamentally incompatible they are (you couldn’t figure that out after kid #1, Brad? Really?)

    There is SO MUCH wrong with this guy, I could write a goddamn encyclopedia about him and his flaws. He came on strong quickly, and he lost interest just as fast. This guy wasn’t worthy of your energy and affection. He never was and never will be.

    • Lucy
      Author
      23rd September 2018 / 2:04 pm

      Hey lovely Sarah, thanks for taking the time to comment! And if anyone else is reading this, head on over to Sarah’s blog for wonderfully-written smut!
      You are absolutely right about all of these things. But at the time I obviously didn’t see this, or chose to ignore it. Clearly this is all written with the benefit of hindsight, so it might make it easier for you, the reader, to see the things I didn’t spot at the time. Plus of course you guys are not involved, as I was, and when you’ve fallen for someone, you see what you want to see. Maybe I fell for a fantasy that I so desperately wanted to believe in, and it took a while to see it for what it really was.

      • 23rd September 2018 / 5:57 pm

        First of all, thank you for the shoutout, you’re so beyond lovely! And second, I totally get it. Honestly, he sounded charming at the get-go, very lovey and affectionate. But you were right about those temper redflags. Things are easy to spot as an outsider or when examining things after time apart. I’m just really sorry you went through this. You’re an amazing lady who deserves a million times better <3

        • Lucy
          Author
          23rd September 2018 / 7:05 pm

          You are most welcome. And thank you 🙂

  9. Anonymous
    23rd September 2018 / 10:08 am

    Hi Lucy, thank you for sharing your story. I’m in my early 30s and have been dating for over a year now ( after a long term relationship that didn’t work out in the end) but I haven’t met someone like Brad yet. It’s a bit scary to know that a person can change their behaviour completely for no reason. Where there any red flags before that weekend that you think you’ve ignored ? I’m asking because I think we all can learn from your experience. I hope you were able to move on quickly and find your happy place again 🙂 All the best, Martyna.

    • Lucy
      Author
      23rd September 2018 / 7:15 pm

      Hey Martyna, thanks for stopping by! Well the good news for you is that if you are in your early 30s you’re peak dating age, I’m hoping there are lots of nice guys, still available but looking to settle down, who are lining up to date you. I’m happy for you that you haven’t met a Brad yet, though I’m sure they are around. As for possible red flags… Some say coming on so strong at the start is one, but I know other people who met someone and got married very quickly, so it CAN happen! The temper thing, maybe? I dunno, what do you think?

  10. 23rd September 2018 / 1:58 pm

    Hi Lucy, thanks for sharing. I’m really enjoying reading your posts.

    Having read so far, just wanted to say that you should never have to feel like you can’t raise something in a relationship because it comes across as ‘needy’ or ‘insecure’. If that’s how you feel, own it. You found it uncomfortable that he was going to drink and drive and you had a right to raise that without thinking what you had done wrong or should have done differently. Perhaps you were scared of losing him, but he’s not worth your time and effort if he’s going to make you feel like shit. A decent guy would acknowledge that your feelings are valid even if he doesn’t agree with you; instead he made you feel as if it was your fault. You deserve a better guy. And better grammar! 🤓

    • Lucy
      Author
      23rd September 2018 / 7:08 pm

      Hi Feena, thank you so much for your lovely comments. Yes, you’re right, but I do overthink things and when you really like someone it can be hard not to let the insecurities take over. So while open honesty is good, in the early stages I do think it’s better to try to keep the crazy under wraps where possible to avoid scaring them off!
      Yes to better grammar though, for sure!

      • Hollie
        26th September 2018 / 11:32 pm

        I understand the concern about ‘scaring them off’ but I also think it’s quite unhealthy to think that way (from experience of having thought that way A LOT). When you meet the right person, none of what other people think ‘the crazy’ is will matter, as you will just click. I used to fret about seeming insecure or over-communicative in relationships, but when I met my amazing now-husband, none of that was a problem. I hope you find the right puzzle piece soon 🙂

  11. Anonymous
    23rd September 2018 / 2:27 pm

    Wow… such déjà vu. I was married to one of these types. It never gets any better. Glad you didn’t get in as deep as I did!!

    • Lucy
      Author
      23rd September 2018 / 7:06 pm

      Wow, I’m so sorry you went through that. And yes, I guess I was lucky he showed his true self nice and early! Though at the same time it could’ve been good if he’d kept it to himself until we’d done a bit more travelling! 😉

  12. Anxious lady
    25th September 2018 / 7:51 pm

    Hi Lucy! I love your blog and have been reading it for ages. I’ve just left an abusive marriage and after lots of therapy and reading I wanted to share something with you. We have different attachment styles that come out in relationships and yours seems to be ‘anxious’ (anxious/avoidant or secure) read the book ‘attached’ by Dr Amir Levine and Rachel. It changed my life, it’s an easy read and it changed my game when it came to relationships. Brad and a lot of the men you describe that you’ve dated are ‘avoidants’ which is why your relationships never work out. I hope you find the ‘secure’ man you need and most definitely deserve 🙂 xxx

    • Lucy
      Author
      25th September 2018 / 11:03 pm

      Hello, welcome, and thank you for joining me! I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through – sounds like it must have been truly awful for you but you do sound like you’ve come out stronger now. Yes I’m certainly aware of my anxiety and the possibility that I may go for ‘unavailable’ men and have read articles but I haven’t heard of this book so thank you for the recommendation and for taking the time to comment 🙂 x

  13. Anonymous
    25th September 2018 / 10:47 pm

    This is the first dating blog I’ve stumbled across, actually just read the whole of Mr. No Relationship in one go and it was a really good read. I’m a lad in his late 20s stumbling around the dating scene so getting the perspective of dating from a ladies point of view is pretty interesting! At first I was thinking maybe I need to put more effort in with sending excessive overly romantic texts (I’m not much of a texter) to help in the future, but then Brad turned out to be a massive cunt which was somewhat of a relief that this isn’t the case…

    Respect for calling him out on drink driving, can’t believe what a baby he was about it even after you even gave him an out by offering to drive, look forward to reading more of the blogs.

    • Lucy
      Author
      25th September 2018 / 11:08 pm

      Well hello there, I’m so pleased you found me and do hope you decide to stick around! I’m delighted you like reading the female perspective and I hope you’ll learn a few things that will help you to be more understanding and considerate of the women you date, though I’d caution you not to take absolutely everything as gospel – I’m just one person and others may respond differently! Personally I loved Brad’s romantic texting, the problem was when he changed his mind. All you can do is be yourself and find someone who likes you for that, if you’re kind, decent and respectful you won’t go too far wrong I promise. Good luck!

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