Is Finding Love Down To Luck?

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My friend Suzanne was single for a decade. She barely went on any dates at all, and absolutely refused to go online. She just quietly carried on with her life, until the summer she went back to visit her parents, met a guy from her home town in a bar, and by Christmas he’d moved to London to live with her. They’re now happily married with two gorgeous kids.

Another friend was with her boyfriend for seven years. With the relationship floundering, they had a trial separation. She went on one internet date – just ONE! – met someone, and got engaged within 6 months. Now they have three children and a very smart house in a posh bit of West London.

When I hear stories like this – and there are many more – I can’t help thinking that finding love really is just down to blind luck. These women are no more attractive than me, no more successful, sexy, confident, or caring. Don’t get me wrong – they’re lovely. But so, I think, am I. And yet I’ve been looking for love for 20 years, I must have had over 500 dates, been to parties and meetups, tried blind dates and speed dates and singles holidays, and yet I still haven’t found him. So I can’t help wondering, is there something wrong with me, or am I just spectacularly unlucky? Is finding love simply down to chance, or do we make our own luck?

To find out whether people think love is a gamble, the folk at TopRatedCasinos.co.uk surveyed 2,000 adults and asked them questions about whether they think a person’s love life can turn on the roll of a dice. Here are some of the results. How would you have answered?

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

  • 53% of people think they are lucky in love

The lucky bastards. I’m glad they’re happy, but what about the rest of us, eh?

According to the Office for National Statistics, 50% of people in the UK are married. So either there’s an almost-perfect correlation between being married and feeling lucky in love, or (far more likely) there’s a large group of happily-in-love but unmarried people, and a decent chunk of married people who are feeling dissatisfied. So this makes me sad, both for folk trapped in unhappy relationships, and more generally, for the nearly half the population who, like me, are unlucky in love.

But hey, at least I’m not alone!

  • Only 36% think they’re lucky in general

So while most of us are crap at scratch cards and picking out the winner on the 2.30 at Newmarket, far more of us think our love lives are where fate has smiled on us. Me, I’m definitely the opposite. I may never win the EuroMillions, but in the life lottery I have pretty much everything I could ask for (apart from a private jet and a house in the South of France). But in love, I’m still wearily putting everything on black and watching the ball skitter and spin repeatedly into the red. The odds are definitely not in my favour – so the question is, do I accept defeat, or like someone with a gambling addiction, keep playing, hoping my luck will change on the next throw?

  • Around half of us think finding true love comes down to plain good luck

I actually agree with this. When I look around me at all the people who just stumbled across their partner without even trying: in the same class at university, miraculously sat next to each other on planes, or falling into each other drunkenly in a bar at 2 am; people who fell in love without ever having swiped even once on Tinder, I can’t help thinking that’s just down to pure blind luck. They weren’t even fucking trying! I take half a dozen flights a year, change jobs frequently, go to events and chat to strangers, and NEVER meet attractive single men. I dunno where they are, but fate is definitely keeping them away from me.

Single? Well whose fault is that?

  • When asked why they were single, only about 1 in 10 said they thought the reason was just ‘bad luck’

Of course it’s not ONLY down to luck. You’re not going to find the love of your life sitting at home in your PJs with a takeaway pizza (unless, of course, the delivery guy turns out to be a babe). You do have to get out there, open yourself up to possibility, take risks and build confidence, so that when Lady Luck does drop the person of your dreams into your path, you don’t fuck it up. But even if you do all of that, success isn’t guaranteed. It’s luck, plain and simple, that gets you over the finish line.

So how can you boost your odds of being lucky?

  • 49% think getting out and meeting people will help them find love
  • 30% say you need to be prepared to get knocked back a few times along the way
  • 45% believe self-confidence is key
  • 20% think dressing well can make a difference

Obviously all these things will help, that’s just common sense. And when I look at this list, I can see that while I get out there and meet people and I like to think I dress well, I definitely suffer from a lack of self-confidence when it comes to dating, and am far too terrified of being knocked back to ever approach a stranger. So maybe it’s not my luck that needs to change, but my bravery?

But I hate that I have to do this – it’s SO unfair! Why should I have to approach people? Why should I have to be brave?! The woman who gets chatting to the hot guy sat next to her on the plane, the one who met her husband in class, they didn’t have to approach random strangers, so why TF do I have to?!

But maybe I don’t. Maybe these women met their partner when the time was right. Maybe he is still out there for, but he’s just not here yet.

That’s assuming you believe in The One.

Looking for The One

  • 53% believe there is such a thing as The One out there
  • 55% believe they’ve already met theirs
  • 59% agree there is someone out there for everyone

Ok, so the first thing this tells me is that some of the people answering this survey were clearly a bit confused about the questions! Especially the 2% who think they’ve already met The One but don’t believe he/she exists. Hmmm, something not quite right in those relationships I feel!

As for me, no, frankly, I don’t believe in The One. Nor do I believe there is someone for everyone. I think there could be, but you need a rare mix of luck, timing, and the right frame of mind to be able to find that person, recognise them, and more importantly, hold onto them. I’m sure I could possibly have settled down with quite a few of the men I’ve met over the last 20 years, if both of us had been in the right headspace at the time.

I do think it’s very interesting how many arranged marriages turn out to be successful, how many complete strangers there are who married each other and now say they’re in love. What does this tell you? That falling in love can be a matter of two things: enough shared background and values, and sheer bloody-minded willpower. Meeting someone single who shares your values? That’s down to the effort you put in, and a dose of luck. But the ability to make it work, to turn them from a date that fizzles out into The One? That’s only gonna happen if you’re both willing to take a risk and jump in with both feet. And with so much choice, so many possibles out there, and so much hurt and baggage behind us, I fear these days far too many of us aren’t prepared to do that.

Does age matter?

  • On average, Brits say they met The One at the age of 28
  • They will typically date 6 people before finding the right person to settle down with

Well I don’t know who these lucky fuckers are, but I’m certainly not one of them. In fact, given my track record: nearly 40, probably around 500 dates, still no One, that probably means that most of these twats met their perfect person at age 14 after one illicit JD and coke in their mate’s bedroom. Dunno how TF they did it, but fair play to them.

Are they better than me? Did I, somewhere along the line, miss my one chance? Have I become so jaded and set in my ways now that it’s simply never going to happen for me?  It’s possible. But I have to believe that at the end of the day, it really is simply down to luck. Because if it’s my fault, I really don’t know what else I can do. But if it’s luck, then there’s still a chance. All it takes is that one stroke of magic, and fate could finally throw him into my path. And that could happen tomorrow. Fingers crossed, eh?

Want more info? You can find the full survey results here https://www.topratedcasinos.co.uk/lucky-in-love-survey-results. Or keep scrolling to enjoy the handy infographic below.

This post was written in collaboration with TopRatedCasinos.co.uk. All thoughts and opinions are my own. I never accept payment or freebies in exchange for positive reviews.

 

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9 Comments

  1. David Palmer
    24th January 2019 / 2:49 pm

    I do think there is a certain amount of luck or fate in finding the right person but you need to be in the right place to get there and that is down to us. I met my partner on match.com, we’d been emailing and then it went quiet for a week or so ( I now know that we had both been on a date with someone else). I emailed her again on what turned out to be the last day before her membership expired and the rest is history. Is that luck or fate or just me/us putting ourselves in the right place for that to happen?
    I also think we dismiss too easily people because this instant attraction isn’t there. I wanted an equal, someone who could challenge me mentally and looks were incidental. It’s rare there isn’t something attractive about someone, you just have to find that quality.

    • Lucy
      Author
      27th January 2019 / 7:33 pm

      I definitely agree! And congratulations on finding your wife. I hope you continue to be very happy together.

  2. stephen McDonald
    24th January 2019 / 7:01 pm

    Happenstance but modified by behavior and planning!

    • Lucy
      Author
      27th January 2019 / 7:32 pm

      Well I’m definitely doing all the right things, and so far I’m still extremely unlucky…

  3. ckav86
    25th January 2019 / 7:29 am

    I’m Irish, and the result which shows N Irish women to be “luckiest” doesn’t surprise me at all. It’s a cultural thing there. Perhaps due to smaller tight knit community circles and a culture of family connections, there is a real sense of purpose in finding someone, settling down and staying settled down. I’m not saying people “settle”. They just seem to accept a more traditional conventional path than their sisters in the Republic. And the men want it as much as the women, which is an anomaly in my experience.
    Definitely a cultural thing.
    Dubliners and perhaps Londoners too (I’ve a foot in both camps here) seem more restless & definitely not as ready to commit. Too much choice? Too many silly distractions?

  4. 12th April 2019 / 2:24 am

    I can never decide if there’s such a thing as “fate” in love. I have some friends who are married to a partner who looks identical to them. No joke, like twins. And I think, what are the chances of meeting someone who looks like your identical twin if fate isn’t involved somehow? A lot of people tend to believe there’s someone for everyone and that “the one” is out there. But it’s a fact that some people go their whole lives without ever finding a husband/wife or lasting love. The saying “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be” annoys me sometimes, because it’s essentially saying a person’s actions in a relationship don’t matter. That things would work out (or not work out) no matter what you do.

  5. Rick
    23rd July 2019 / 3:32 pm

    You do have to be very blessed and lucky to find love these days since this isn’t the good old days anymore when it really use to be a lot easier back then with no trouble at all either. Women have really changed in a very big way today from the old days making love very difficult to find for many of us single men still looking.

    • Lucy
      Author
      28th July 2019 / 7:53 am

      Rick. Women have ‘changed’ because they have fought for equality and they no longer need to be submissive and subservient to men. I’m sorry if women finally getting the freedom to have what they want instead of always having to come second to the desires of men is upsetting for you, but you need to realise that we are equals. Once you get your head around that, there’s no reason why you couldn’t still have a happy and equal partnership with someone.

  6. Rick
    25th November 2019 / 11:05 am

    Well since most of the women out there nowadays are so very rotten, stuck up, very severely mentally retarded, think they really are all that, very high maintenance, selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, no manners at all, no personality, gold diggers, cheaters, and very very money hungry today, how in the world can many of us good single men find a real Normal Good One anyway? God Forbid, for just saying good morning or hello to a woman these days has certainly become so very extremely dangerous for us now looking for love. And there are many times believe it or not for no reason at all, these women will even Curse at us which i will never understand it at all. Many of us men today now have to be very careful of sexual harassment since it is these type of loser women that are out to hang us out to dry. I know friends that had women Curse at them as well, and it is very scary how very Psycho and dangerous women have become over these years. Women aren’t easy at all these days to meet, especially how they have really changed from the past when meeting women in the old days was so much easier than today. So with many of us single men looking for love today which we would have to be very very extremely lucky and blessed if we really did. Most women just Can’t Accept us men for who we really are any more, and they just Can’t commit to Only One Man Either since they just want to sleep around all the time with different men every chance they get. Well you can see that i am very right with my comment since i had very bad experiences with women, and so have other friends that i know as well. A very completely different time we live in today compared to the past when most women were definitely Real Ladies and the very opposite back then, and with all these very stupid Reality TV Shows as well as the Media has really made it very bad for many of us good innocent men out there that really hate being single and alone. Now i know why many of us men really Hate The Holidays when they come around, a very excellent reason. Well thank you very much for your support. Peace, Lucy.

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