Mr Non-Monogamous, Part 10 – Parallel Universe

A few days after her last date with non-monogamous Charlie, Lucy goes for a drink with her mate Phil.

If you haven’t caught up on the Charlie story yet, start from the beginning here or click here to read what happened last time.

As a chronic oversharer Lucy normally likes to tell her friends all the gory details of what’s going on in her life. And the friends, who are mostly boring and married and do little except wipe up baby sick and complain about how sleep-deprived they are, are only too happy to let her talk.

Except with Charlie it’s a different story. With only a couple of exceptions, the few people she’s been brave enough to open up to have reacted with horrified and judgy concern, to the extent that Lucy’s decided to stop telling people. She simply can’t be bothered dealing with all the questions and the raised eyebrows at the revelation that she’s in a relationship with a guy who already has a fiancée.

But on this particular evening she gets a bit tipsy, and before she knows it she’s spilling all to Phil, who rather than judge her – or Charlie – is nothing but supportive. And possibly a little bit grudgingly impressed by the way Charlie seems to be living every straight man’s fantasy life.

And later that evening he sends her a lovely message, which Lucy, drunk and still in overshary mode, forwards to Charlie, because she thinks it’s sweet.

It’s only after Charlie’s seen it that she realises the text contains the dreaded ‘L-word’. Horrors!

Which of course is the first thing he picks up on.

Nearly four months into their relationship, and Lucy’s still unsure about how she really feels about Charlie. On the one hand he ticks a huge number of boxes, and they’ve connected so intensely that she’s pretty sure that if he were single and monogamous she’d already be practising writing his last name and pausing hopefully in front of bridal shop windows.

But he’s not. He’s a greedy slut who causes her untold agonies and heartache, and how can you ever fall in love with someone when half the time you’re despising them for being the source of so much distress?

And anyway, to allow herself to fall in love with Charlie would be utterly ridiculous. She can’t have him, so what’s even the point? It’d be a fucking stupid and self-sabotaging act that would only take her further away from her real goal of finding her Person. It’s one thing to keep him around as a fun diversion, but to get serious? Nah-huh. Big Mistake. Huge.

What’s he saying? That he thinks she might not be able to help falling in love with him?! The bloody cheek of the man! There’s a fine line between confidence and cocky – and while his confidence is one of the things that first attracted Lucy to Charlie, she’s not sure she likes it when he gets this full of himself.

She also doesn’t like admitting that of course he may be right.

If she was hoping he might’ve been suggesting he could see himself falling in love with her too someday, well, that was just fucking stupid. And pointless, of course. What use would that be to her anyway?

All she can do now is try to save face.

Locked Out

A couple of days later, Lucy and Charlie are having their weekly date (aka evening of all the awesome naked fun). Lucy’s train’s delayed, so she calls Charlie to let him know he’ll probably get to her place before she does.

“Guess I’ll have to wait on the doorstep,” he says. “Maybe next time you should give me a key.”

Wait… what? He wants his own key? To her flat?! That’s a bit boyfriendy, isn’t it?!

“Maybe you’re right,” says Charlie. “I guess we’re not quite there yet.”

And that final ‘yet’ hangs in the air like a delay on the phone line, reverberating with significance. What does that mean, Lucy wonders? Does he see himself as her boyfriend?

For someone who hasn’t had a boyfriend of any kind in almost four years, and who could never have imagined herself in a relationship with someone who freely goes about fucking other women, this is a Huge Headfuck.

When she finally makes it home after a mind-numbing journey that’s made even more frustrating by the knowledge that there’s a hot man waiting outside her flat for her, and that fucking London Transport is literally keeping her from getting laid, she finds Charlie sitting on her front lawn, drinking wine straight from the bottle. In a pink checked shirt and with the afternoon sunshine glinting off the top of his head he looks summery and delicious, and she feels her stomach do a little flip at the sight of him. Oh fuck, maybe he’s right. The cocky bastard, she doesn’t want to let him be right! How maddening would that be?!

He follows her up the stairs, making appreciative noises at the sight of her bum, and as soon as they’re inside he pushes her up against the wall and kisses her in the way he always does that immediately makes the blood rush to her lady parts.

“Not yet,” she laughs, pushing him away. “I’m starving, let’s eat!”

She throws on pasta and vegetables, while Charlie attempts to distract her by kissing her neck and sliding one hand up under her skirt. It’s the sort of flirtatious cosy domesticity that fills Lucy with temporary joy: this is what she wants, she thinks, just someone to come home to, to cook and flirt and laugh with, surely that shouldn’t be so hard to find? Of course in her perfect fantasy world that person wouldn’t be non-monogamous and the vegetables wouldn’t end up soggy and overdone. Still, Charlie eats everything without comment. “Does he think I’m a terrible cook?” worries Lucy. “Does he even care?”

Dessert

They take the plates to the kitchen, where Charlie kisses her again and then steers her across the hall and into her bedroom where their clothes swiftly hit the floor. Unusually for him, he’s not ready for her, so Lucy sits on the edge of the bed and takes him in her mouth, feeling the softness gradually harden, and enjoying a glow of achievement as he swells and grows under her lips. When he’s fully ready he pushes her back and kneels down between her legs to return the favour, teasing her with his tongue and then retreating, building the pressure and then letting it diminish before building it again until she’s squirming with pent up desire.

“I’m not gonna let you come until you beg me,” he teases. “I need to hear you say please.” But Lucy’s having such a marvellous time she’s not sure she actually wants him to let her finish; she’d be more than happy to let him carry on his ministrations for a good while longer yet, so she says nothing.

“I didn’t hear a please,” says Charlie again, clearly enjoying ordering her around, or maybe he’s just had enough and wants an excuse to stop, Lucy’s not quite sure. But just in case it’s the latter, she dutifully obliges, role-playing the submissive, begging him to put her out of her misery, even though she could quite happily lie here all evening if he’d let her.

Afterwards, he lies down next to her and holds her tight as her heart rate returns to normal, and Lucy lies still with her eyes closed and a beatific grin on her face like Meg Ryan in that scene from When Harry Met Sally.

Parallel Universe

And as she recovers he begins experimentally kissing one nipple, and at first Lucy thinks, OMG fuck I love it when he does that, and then she thinks I should really ask him to use a condom this time, and then she thinks But what’s the point, the precedent’s been set, and then she tries not to think about the fact that she has literally no idea how many other women she might be sharing him with, and all these thoughts start churning round her head until it all gets too much and she sits up.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “but I think you should use a condom. I know we didn’t last time, but I wish we hadn’t done that now because it’s going to be a thing and I don’t want it to be a thing. Somewhere out there there’s a parallel universe where you’re not fucking other women and we can just go at it like bunnies all the time without condoms and it’d be fine. But we’re not there, and you are. And I’m sad about that and I wish we lived in that parallel universe, but we don’t, so…”

“It’s OK,” he says gently. “It doesn’t have to be a thing,” and reaches for the bedside drawer.

It’s another warm day and all the windows are open, so when he comes, with loud gasps, Lucy immediately worries about what her neighbours might think.

“Ah well, never mind,” says Charlie with a shrug.
“But I do mind,” Lucy tells him. “I have to live here!”
“In that parallel universe maybe I live here too,” Charlie says with a teasing grin, and Lucy tries to remember what living with a boy was like, and wonders whether it will ever happen again.

Future Planning

Later they lie cuddled up, and Lucy turns her face into him and breathes in his intoxicating scent.

“Are you annoyed that I told my friend about you?” she asks.

“Not at all, quite the reverse, I like it. I mean, I don’t need all your friends to know about me, but I’d definitely be offended if I thought you were ashamed of me, or hiding me.”

Lucy’s shocked. It had never even occurred to her that Charlie might need recognition or acknowledgement of his place in her life. To her it seems like he does this all the time, that she’s just the next in a long succession of women who pass through his bed: today’s bit of fun, tomorrow’s notch on the bedpost. The fact that he might actually have insecurities about his role, that he might want to be a serious part of her life, comes completely out of the blue.

“What do you want?” she asks. “We’ve always talked about what I want, whether we can make this work based on my discomfort with your lifestyle. But what about you?”

She realises that in all their encounters, she’s only ever worried about herself. How she feels and whether she might get hurt. Not because she doesn’t care about him, but because it never even occurred to her that she might have the power to hurt him too.

She always figured she’s just a piece of ass to him. Maybe one he likes better than any he’s liked in a while, but she’s not the first, and she certainly won’t be the last. For her, it’s a different story.  Connections and feelings like this just don’t happen for Lucy, so it’s always seemed a given that she’s going to be the one who’ll end up getting hurt. Charlie? Well, she thought he was immune.

“So,” she asks, “What do you want? How do you see this panning out in a perfect world?”

“Well,” he says, “you’re right in that when we first started seeing each other, yes I liked you, but I never thought it would get this far. In the past I’ve either dated polyamorous people for whom I’ve only ever been a bit on the side, or if I have dated people who define as monogamous then we know it has a shelf life, so I never really got too involved.”
“How long?”
“Anything from a few weeks to a few months maybe?”

This is already nearly four months and showing no sign of stopping. Lucy can’t help feeling a surge of happiness at this. Does this mean that out of all the many, many women he’s dated, she’s truly special? Or is she just the only one stupid or needy enough to put up with him this long?

“So obviously,” he continues, “I’m expecting this to end at some point because you’re dating, and you’re going to meet someone and want to give it a go, and when that happens, yes, I don’t mind admitting that I’ll be really sad about that. So it’s hard because for me to get what I want, which is to keep this going for as long as possible, you have to NOT get what you want, which is to find your person. And I also want that for you because I want you to be happy. So I guess for me the dream scenario would be for you to meet a lovely poly guy, so you have your person, but we can keep seeing each other too.”

Lucy drifts off into a fantasy in which she lives with a kind, devoted, sexy, brilliant husband, who doesn’t mind her nipping off once a week to have incredibly hot sex with Charlie. When she thinks of it like that, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to get behind Charlie’s vision of the future.

But then she remembers that if she found this amazing husband and was allowed to keep Charlie on the side, then she’d have to be OK with her husband seeing other women too. And fuck, there’s just no way she could deal with that.

Meeting

Lucy still can’t fathom how any woman would be OK with this, TBH. She wonders how much of this Charlie’s discussed with his fiancée – can she really be OK with him having a second, long-term, committed relationship on the side?

“We don’t really discuss you all that much, to be honest,” he tells her. “She doesn’t need details.”
“What has she asked about me?”
“She knows who you are and what you do for a living, but she hasn’t delved too deeply. I did ask her if she wanted to meet you, but she said she’s fine for now.”

Lucy recoils in horror. Meet her? Christ on a bike! That sounds more terrifying than going camping in the woods after watching The Blair Witch Project. Absolutely no way. How could she face this other woman, knowing she’s fucking her partner. And knowing that she knows!

Lucy’s pretty brave: she’s travelled the world alone, she’s climbed active volcanoes and jumped out of planes, but the idea of shaking hands with the woman whose boyfriend’s cock she has in her mouth on a regular basis is a whole different kind of horrifying. Lucy, diehard monogamous Lucy, has never knowingly had sex with someone else’s partner – until now. How could she possibly meet her? To be sized up. To be judged. To have to make excruciatingly awkward small talk? To know that afterwards this woman will take Charlie home and fuck him (as she no doubt does several times a week) and that’s just something Lucy has to live with?

At least she doesn’t need to panic for now. The Girlfriend doesn’t want to meet her, and that’s just fine. But what if at some point she changes her mind? What if she decides that this thing with Charlie has gone on long enough, and she wants to look the woman who’s fucking her husband-to-be in the eye? What then? Logically Lucy knows there shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like they’re having an affair; the Girlfriend has approved their relationship, so she’s not going to throw wine in Lucy’s face or try to claw her eyes out.

And besides, in the photos Lucy’s seen she looks smiley and friendly. She’s probably really nice – Charlie wouldn’t be marrying her if she wasn’t. They probably have loads in common (they do have the same taste in men, after all), and if circumstances were different there’s a good chance they’d be friends. Plus she can hardly be threatened by Lucy: after all, she’s the one with the ring on her finger. She’s the one he goes home to every night, while Lucy has to make do with the crumbs from her table. So it’d probably be fine, they’d have a drink, chat about random shit, and then Lucy would run away. It wouldn’t kill her.

So why does the idea fill Lucy with a gut-churning anxiety the like of which she’s only experienced before her university finals?

She’s just going to have to hope the Girlfriend never changes her mind.

Poisoning

Charlie shifts uncomfortably on the bed.

“I don’t feel very well,” he complains. “I’m really hot and my stomach feels dodgy.”

He disappears to the bathroom, and is gone for ages. Lucy lies alone in bed, wondering if she somehow accidentally poisoned him with her cooking. That’d be fucking awkward.

You know what else is a bit awkward? That moment when you realise your relationship has got to the stage where the guy you’re dating is comfortable taking a dump in your bathroom. Of course, if she’s actually poisoned him then he might not have a choice, but all the same, it’s a moment. A thing. Another level in the game. It’s weird, but also, in a way, it’s kind of a compliment.

He returns, closing the bathroom door behind him, and gets back into bed.

“You OK?”
“Yeah.”
“I hope I didn’t poison you. Or maybe I did… maybe I did it deliberately. It’s all part of my cunning plan to keep you weak and drugged so you can never leave. Maybe I’ll tie you to the bed too…” she laughs.

Charlie pulls a mock-horrified face and pretends to run away.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t really do that. Because I’d still want to fuck you, and if you’re all drugged up you’d be absolutely no use to me.” She kisses him.
“Maybe if you used a combination of sedative and Viagra?” he suggests, kissing her back.
“Ooh! Good idea.”
He pulls away in pretend terror. “God, now I’m really scared! After all, you’re just a random I met at a party. I don’t know what dark secrets you might be hiding!”

Lucy feigns outrage. “How very dare you?! I’m as innocent as a babe and you know it.”

He kisses her again and tickles the sensitive skin on her stomach, making Lucy wriggle with delighted laughter.

It’s a moment of pure, naked joy and intimacy, but like everything with Charlie, it’s not real. And as usual it has to end.

He gets up to take a shower.

“There’s a blue towel in the cupboard,” Lucy calls after him. “Use that one and then I’ll know it’s yours for next time.”
“So I’m not allowed a key but I’ve progressed to having my own towel? This is a good start!”

Alone in the bed yet again, Lucy wonders why he says things like this. It’s as though he thinks this is a normal relationship, where they do things like meet each other’s friends and swap house keys. But of course this isn’t normal, and it’s not a real relationship – at least, not in any kind of way she can compute. After all, even if she gives him a towel – or a key – it’s not like he’s ever going to be able to return the favour.

Is he just playing games with me, she wonders? It’s been nearly four months, he seems to be really into this, but she still can’t help wondering if he’s just messing with her. Is this his ego at work, trying to get her to fall for him? Is he only still invested because she’s a challenge? As soon as she stops resisting, will he get bored and dump her?

Next time: Lucy faces judgement from a friend.


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45 Comments

  1. Jo
    20th April 2019 / 9:40 am

    I look forwarding to reading you very week.

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 9:41 am

      Thanks Jo! 🙂

  2. ckav86
    20th April 2019 / 11:44 am

    I love how you write ! This Saturday drop makes my morning, even if I hate the bastard. Well done Lucy xx

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 11:47 am

      That’s so kind of you to say, thank you! 🙂

  3. Daylar
    20th April 2019 / 12:28 pm

    Ever thought of putting all these stories into e-books and selling them on Kindle?? I’d pay for them

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 10:01 pm

      Well that’s very kind of you to say! But you don’t need to pay, they’re freely available online!

  4. Anonymous
    20th April 2019 / 1:06 pm

    “like everything with Charlie, it’s not real”. Wow. I hope he doesn’t read this. That’s straight up offensive.

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 10:01 pm

      Not sure why you think it’s offensive, but thanks for your feedback, Anonymous person.

      • Anonymous
        21st April 2019 / 4:23 pm

        Sharing the kind of connection that you two share is magic, saying its not real is devaluing your relationship/connection and the magic that Charlie brings to the table.
        Maybe Charlie is the realist relationship you’ve ever experienced and deep down, below the poly fear, your scared of that.

        • Lucy
          Author
          21st April 2019 / 10:41 pm

          Interesting thought. I don’t think this is the most real relationship I’ve ever experienced – I was living with my ex for 5 years – but certainly we do have a great connection and a fantastic mutual honesty and openness that is very refreshing. It’s nice that I can be completely my true self with Charlie because deep down I know that this will never last, so I don’t have to worry about showing him a side of me that he might not like. But I’m not sure why this would scare me. It’s nice, but it’s actually less scary than being with someone who you fear every day might decide to dump you.

    • PolyJames
      21st April 2019 / 7:04 am

      Having just caught up on the whole series I’d say the whole story is straight up offensive. There’s an underlying theme that poly is just about sex and the disrespectful way you’re writing about Charles and poly seems to be more to air your prejudices than an attempt to understand him or poly love. I too hope he (nor his fiancé or the other partner mentioned early on) never finds out about this blog. Although I can’t help thinking that if he did he’d have a lucky escape.

      • Anonymous
        21st April 2019 / 2:16 pm

        Let’s start calling a spade a spade and say ethically non-monogamous. In my experience of the nomenclature, “poly” is more applicable when love is actually on the table, when there is no ceiling for new relationships and perhaps no hierarchy. I don’t think this fits ; Charlie has hinted that he and his fiancé might call time on dating others post marriage.

        You’re right that ‘poly’ is not just about sex, but also neither is ENM.

        • Lucy
          Author
          21st April 2019 / 10:37 pm

          Hi Anonymous, thanks for your comment. Not sure if you’re replying to me or James but if it’s me then I apologise for getting the words wrong. I tend to use them interchangeably, more to avoid repetition than anything else. I’m aware there is a difference but I think people also define their own versions and titles differently so it’s a bit of a minefield for a novice like me.

      • Lucy
        Author
        21st April 2019 / 10:35 pm

        Hi James, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I’m sorry if you found the story offensive. The aim is not to ‘air prejudices’ as you put it but merely to offer an honest insight into the journey of a monogamous woman as she attempts to reconcile her personal beliefs and values with her feelings for a man whose beliefs and values are contradictory. The aim is to be honest and open, not to make myself look good. If I dived in being all ‘isn’t this wonderful’ it would not be an authentic story. I hope at least you understand that.

  5. Justin
    20th April 2019 / 2:21 pm

    What do you mean by you’re a challenge and resisting?
    He’s got you, he knows that, you’ve told him as much surely?

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 10:00 pm

      He has me for now, but I can walk away at any time. And I’m still very much resisting the poly thing, and the meeting the GF thing…

  6. Hollie
    20th April 2019 / 2:34 pm

    Great post! I definitely feel like it’s time for him to clarify his feelings/intentions though. Especially given that part about him saying that it’s chill if you fall in love with him! Comes across as arrogant to me. Seems like he’s coasting in unchartered territory the same way you are.

    There’s an extent to which your discomfort with it all is your own to work through. BUT on the other hand I really don’t like the fact that he offered his fiancé the chance to request to meet you but didn’t extend you the choice.

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 9:59 pm

      Thanks Hollie! I think he has clarified as much as he can at this stage. Relationships change and grow and no one really knows what’s going to happen. So yes, although it’s all brand new to me, in some ways this situation is new to him too and he is working it out just as much as I am.

      • Dave
        21st April 2019 / 10:52 pm

        Think about the word “polyamory”. Many loves. It’s really not just about sex, it’s about love. Love isn’t a word I personally use lightly – there needs to be some fairly deep feelings before I admit to loving someone. But it IS possible to love more than one person. Maybe Charlie is having a bit of difficulty admitting that love is involved. And you certainly are – as you don’t want to love someone who also loves someone else.

        I hope this works out well in the end. You constantly insist that you are monogamous, but how much have you actually considered if you are, or why you are?

        Don’t decide yet though, I’m loving hearing the way this progresses. You both sound like lovely people.

        • Lucy
          Author
          23rd April 2019 / 11:54 pm

          You might be jumping the gun a bit here though, Dave. It’s only been a few months; who said anything about love? What makes you so certain this is about anything more than chemistry and lust?
          As for your question about monogamy – yes I know I am. How do I know? I’m pretty sure the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I get every time I see pictures of Charlie with his GF, and the heartbreak every time he goes back to her, and the disgust and loathing I feel at the thought of him shagging someone else, are three good enough reasons to be sure, don’t you?

  7. Kay
    20th April 2019 / 5:10 pm

    How is it that this so mirrors my current situation and thoughts? Right, it’s that we’re all not particularly unique, and if you’ve thought or done or experienced something, it’s highly likely someone else has too. It’s a relief, actually!

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 9:56 pm

      Interesting – are you also dating a polyamorous guy when you’re monogamous?

      • Kay
        26th April 2019 / 5:47 pm

        Kind of! I started seeing a guy, Jay, who was in an “open/ethically non-monogamous” relationship; he didn’t manage it well and ended it suddenly, but we’re talking again. I use quotes up there because I too am having to define open relationship, ethically non-monogamous, and polyamory for my heretofore monogamous self on the ground, if you will, when that doesn’t necessarily line up with how other people are defining it themselves.

        On another point that looks like it kept coming up in the comments, I too am mystified as to why people are taking offense at what you said about your and Charlie’s relationship not being “real” — I’d describe my situation that way! I mean, it’s a thing that’s happening, of course. I’m getting something out of it, and he is, and of course there are feelings to some degree for each of us, but his long-term is with his partner first and me not at all, and my long-term is… hopefully not as someone’s off-to-the-side second. Honestly I don’t feel anger or judgment there, and I don’t think you do either. We’re just being practical and realistic.

      • Kay
        26th April 2019 / 5:59 pm

        Oh, also, I didn’t actually say, I’m so glad to have come across your site! Your writing is so engaging, I really appreciate your candor and, seriously, communication and betterment and growth and dating (ugh) are so difficult and tiring on their own, much less altogether, so it’s great to feel like I can relate to someone in this experience.

  8. Cheryl
    20th April 2019 / 9:01 pm

    Sounds more like a swinger than poly relationship. I will have to go back and read the rest. But it seems their situation is based on sex, not mutual feelings and connection

    • Lucy
      Author
      20th April 2019 / 9:56 pm

      Not sure where you got that from Cheryl. There’s quite a lot of feelings being discussed here…

  9. Anonymous
    21st April 2019 / 4:31 pm

    I dont understand why you are fighting your feelings so hard?
    When you get really really clear with yourself, where/what is the root of your resistance?
    So far it sounds like its sharing a man with another woman? But you’re already doing that?
    And it sounds like the most amazing relationship you’ve ever had?

    • Lucy
      Author
      21st April 2019 / 10:43 pm

      I’m fighting it because I want my own person. I don’t want to have to share my partner with anyone else, and it hurts me to know that Charlie has other partners. Doesn’t matter how great he is, he goes home to someone else every night. He won’t ever live with me, or come on holiday with me, or do all the other things that couples do. I’m just someone that he sees once a week and it’s not nearly enough.

  10. Amy
    21st April 2019 / 5:26 pm

    I agree the story is offensive to both poly and Charlie. But I also understand that like all intolerance, exposure and being misunderstood is the first step. So I appreciate this blog nonetheless.

    • Lucy
      Author
      21st April 2019 / 10:46 pm

      Hi Amy, I’m sorry if you find the story offensive. My aim is to document the journey of trying to deal with this from the perspective of a monogamous woman. If other people can make it work and be happy, then great for them. I’m not judging poly in general or what others do. I’m merely documenting how *I* feel about *this particular relationship* and how it affects me. Which is partly positive, and partly negative.

  11. Dave
    21st April 2019 / 10:31 pm

    There’s a recurring theme here that Lucy assumes Charlie is regularly fucking lots of other women. I don’t know why she thinks this, and I’d say it’s fairly likely that he’s not.

    I became poly less than a year ago after coming out of a 20 year marriage. I ended a relationship (after my marriage) because monogamy was strangling me. I spent a few months being solo poly, having shortish ethically non-monogamous relationships with other poly people and one who was accepting of poly. Then I restarted the relationship I had previously ended, but under new rules. Since then I have not had sex with anyone else except this partner, despite the two of us agreeing that we both could. Huge difference between being poly and practising poly.

    Lucy might not be poly herself but she is now involved in the poly world and she needs to accept this or give him up.

    • Lucy
      Author
      21st April 2019 / 10:59 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences Dave. I’m really happy for you that you have found a way that works for you. Some of us are still trying to make it work, it’s not just a simple matter of ‘accepting or moving on’. A relationship takes two people (or more, in this world, obviously). Charlie gets as much of a say as I do. He knows I’m monogamous, and he’s decided to continue for now, as have I. We are both figuring it out as we go along and we will see where it takes us.

      • Dave
        21st April 2019 / 11:15 pm

        Thanks Lucy.

        Obviously none of it is simple. Poly brings with it a whole load of new problems, mainly about jealousy and about time management. But I don’t actually see that you have more than a couple of options about how to proceed. I suppose you have the option of continuing your relationship with him for as long as it suits you both. This could be months or even years, and you might be very happy for that time. And then perhaps eventually the relationship might run its course, just like any other relationship.

        Please, take as much pleasure from the situation as you possibly can. It seems to be making you happy and fulfilled, which is a very good thing.

  12. Adam
    22nd April 2019 / 8:47 am

    I’m slightly baffled how some people on here are “offended” by your own opinion on something in a personal blog. The offense taken was not given in the first place. It’s your opinion on a situation that you are in. I’d suggest most commenters on here should read your beautifully written posts fully before splooging out a garbled response.

    I fully understand your situation from dating a poly girl and the fight against feelings is real especially when they appear to catch feelings as well, the headfuck is significant.

    I don’t blame you for not wanting to meet the Girlfriend either as it would be a tremendously awkward experience and I know from a guy point of view, it can turn into a passive aggressive competition

    • Lucy
      Author
      23rd April 2019 / 11:57 pm

      Hi Adam, thanks for your support and very kind words! Interesting that you had a similar experience – how did it turn out in the end?
      It doesn’t actually surprise me that some people will take offence. This is clearly an emotive subject and bound to ruffle a few feathers. However I’m not judging anyone else here and how they choose to live their lives so there’s no need to be offended. I’m just expressing my personal opinions about what’s going on in my own life.

  13. ckav86
    23rd April 2019 / 6:42 am

    I would suspect, looking at some of the comments calling Lucy names and telling her that her feelings are “offensive”, that they are being written by the same person. The syntax, use of language, etc. You get trolling everywhere.
    There is nothing offensive here in what the woman is writing. She is telling a compelling story about her experience. If you find a story offensive, my suspicion is that you know her somehow and you’re trying to get at her in a passive aggressive sneaky way.
    I couldn’t get involved with somebody like this bloke. He’s vile on so many levels, totally unconcerned and frankly uninterested in her feelings. But I can’t wait for the next “drop”!

    • Lucy
      Author
      24th April 2019 / 12:03 am

      Interesting you should say this – that thought had actually crossed my mind too… And thank you for your support and kind words. Of course I have to disagree with you on the last part! I really don’t think Charlie is ‘vile’! If I did I wouldn’t have lasted this long!

  14. MissD
    23rd April 2019 / 11:19 am

    I just found this and binge read it all.. I love it, but is it just a story, historical fiction or an actual account of a true relationship? I think some of these comments are taking things a bit too far, people should just enjoy what they read and look forward to the next episode of the love triangle that has formed. Write-on Lucy! And if this is a look in the mirror for you or anyone else reading it, then it must be hitting the sore spot we have all lived through. None of us are perfect and if Lucy is currently happy in her limbo state then let her be happy….. It seems we are all eager to see where things lead!!!

    • ckav86
      23rd April 2019 / 3:48 pm

      Seconded! Feck off with the snowflake “I find this offensive” commentary.

    • Lucy
      Author
      24th April 2019 / 12:05 am

      Hi Miss D! Thank you so much for your kind words. Interesting that you read it all and enjoyed it without knowing if it was real or fiction! The answer is its 99% real – I have changed names and a few identifying details to protect people’s identities but everything else is exactly as it happened (with the boring bits edited out!).
      Thanks again for reading and come back soon!

  15. Amy
    26th April 2019 / 2:04 pm

    It is not unusual for a person to have their own feelings about a minority group. It is also not unusual for a person to write about those feelings. However, just because someone is only writing about their own feelings (relative to that minority group), does not mean that their comments are not offensive.

    • ckav86
      29th April 2019 / 8:43 pm

      Why is it anyone else’s business what Lucy feels? Why are you offended by someone else’s feelings?

      You’ve pretty deep issues there, pal. None of which are Lucy’s business either!

      You find it offensive? Your problem. Someone else’s feelings, as opposed to actions, should not be offensive.

  16. John Pinchot
    10th May 2019 / 12:11 am

    I am reading this like its someone’s diary. Someone sharing their inner most feelings. Feelings are real and we need to stay true to them whether they may be offensive to someone else or not. Feelings don’t need to be politically correct. Someone suggested you are “prejudice” against poly. Maybe you are and maybe your not. What matters is what Lucy needs.

    Please don’t let these people comments influence you. Follow your heart and your brain. It does not matter what other people think. If poly makes Lucy happy fantastic. If monogamy makes Lucy happy, that is equally fantastic. One size does not fit all.

    The only advice I would give you is this. You sound like you are very involved in this relationship with Charlie. You spend a lot of time thinking about it and preparing for it. Is this time taking you away from your search for “your guy”. Maybe you should accept your relationship with Charlie for what it is. Some fun on the side, but not your primary relationship.

  17. Anonymous
    7th August 2019 / 4:03 pm

    Fascinating story this, and beautifully narrated. I’m not sure why the thought did pop in my head about how you’d know for sure he’s poly/in an open relationship vs just cheating on his fiance? I know he’s offered for you to meet her but I wonder if he knows you wouldn’t (given your feelings for him) so it’s an easy way to show it’s all out in the open. Because the thing about this universe you have with him, is you don’t have a way of verifying how much is real, how much his fiance actually knows – as you aren’t part of his day to day life. And the thing about cheaters is they can be very very good at telling you what you want to hear. Just a thought but if you did find out he was just a common cheater and you were a mistress, would you still value what you had with him?

    • Lucy
      Author
      17th August 2019 / 9:55 pm

      No of course not, but the facts have been independently verified through a mutual friend (as mentioned in the very first post), so it’s fine. He’s not lying.

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Names and some minor details have been changed to protect the innocent. And sometimes the guilty.
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