The Date With A Dom

The Date With A Dom

In spite of her failed dates with Pablo the Venezuelan and Pierre the Frenchman, Lucy’s still convinced that a foreign guy is a much better prospect than all the hopeless British fuckwits who litter the dating apps like spat-out chewing gum. So, still keen to find a replacement for Charlie… View Post
The Frenchman

The Frenchman

Lucy’s date with Pablo the Argentinian might not have been a smoking hot success, but she’s never been one to give up at the first attempt. Convinced now that home-grown men are utterly fucking useless, and keen to capitalise on what she hopes is – to a foreigner at least… View Post
The Argentinian

The Argentinian

Now that things are over with Charlie, it’s time for Lucy to get back in the dating game. Well they do say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? And where better to find someone to get enthusiastically under than good ol’ Tinder?… View Post
To All The Boys I’ve Shagged Before

To All The Boys I’ve Shagged Before

It’s funny how one comment from a dumbass troll can inspire an entire blog post, but that’s sometimes how life works. Put enough shit down, and roses will grow. A few weeks ago Lucy was featured in The Metro newspaper. In response, a person calling themselves ‘Plato’s Ghost’ sent her… View Post
The One Who Was Just Nice

The One Who Was Just Nice

Regular readers of this blog will know that for nearly six months now Lucy’s been dating a polyamorous man named Charlie. If you didn’t know that, you can catch up over here. Though be warned, there’s quite a lot, so you might want to grab a wee and a cuppa… View Post
The Doggy Date

The Doggy Date

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, way back when Lucy was young, sweet and innocent, and had only slept with about four people, and was full of hope and optimism, and not at all jaded by the dating cesspit, and back in the dark ages when smartphones… View Post
Lucy Ghosts Dating – The Halloween Date

Lucy Ghosts Dating – The Halloween Date

It’s Halloween, and Lucy is dateless. Lucy likes Halloween.  Although she’s bah humbug as fuck about Christmas (which is undoubtedly the WORST holiday of all for single people – and if you want to know why, read this), Halloween’s a different story. Without the enforced family time, and the inescapable… View Post
Lucy Goes… To Africa

Lucy Goes… To Africa

It’s now been three years since Lucy became single again.  Three long years of swiping her way through the men of London Town, three bastarding years riding the fleeting ups and soul-crushing downs of the dating rollercoaster.  And while she’s had some successes, met some reasonably nice guys, and even… View Post
The One with the Teeth

The One with the Teeth

Lucy’s had two dates with Josh the Geography Teacher, and while they went well enough, she’s still far from sure if this is going to be an actual thing.  So when Josh goes away for a week she decides to set up another date.  Just in case, you know, he… View Post
The Entrepreneur

The Entrepreneur

Since things didn’t work out with Pardeep the Separated Dad, and since Lucy is still out of work and looking for fun excuses to put on actual clothes and venture into the outside world, she’s logged back into Guardian Soulmates to see if any other interesting-looking guys have messaged her.… View Post
The Hipster

The Hipster

Lucy has been back on Guardian Soulmates and has been approached by a man who may very possibly be an atrocious hipster. In his photos, Malcolm is sporting a variety of tweed jackets, brogues, and bowties. He also has an ample, luxurious and neatly trimmed beard.   In other words, all… View Post
The Right-Wing Racist

The Right-Wing Racist

After the recent story about Lucy’s attempt to find love by rejoining Guardian Soulmates, here’s one from the archive, about Lucy’s previous foray into the world of left-of-centre dating. It’s 2015, and Lucy’s been single for about 6 months after The Ex ended their 5-year relationship.  After some time spent… View Post
Blast from the past

Blast from the past

Lucy’s matched with Mark from Bumble. Mark appears to be very handsome but it’s hard to be sure as he only has two photos.  One is a head and shoulders shot with just blue sky behind.  The other is the same photo, only zoomed in. Lucy wonders if Mark has… View Post
Moving to Brighton

Moving to Brighton

Lucy has got a job in Brighton and is moving there for a few months. She decides to rent out her flat while she’s away. A businessman in a suit comes to see it. He’s in his 50s, married, and still has hair.  Lucy finds him strangely attractive. Lucy thinks… View Post
Names and some minor details have been changed to protect the innocent. And sometimes the guilty.