The Blind Date

The Blind Date

It’s a Thursday, and Lucy has an Actual Blind Date. With a faceless, nameless, completely anonymous stranger. Someone who might be the man of her dreams. Or a potato. The date has been arranged by Jordi, whom she met at the Smudged Lipstick Connect 4 Dating Event. As well as… View Post
The Gambler

The Gambler

It’s a Saturday, and Lucy has a brunch date with Julien, whom she found on OKCupid. Julien, in case it wasn’t obvious from his name, is French. Lucy’s still on her mission to find a replacement for Charlie, and seems to be matching fairly regularly with foreigners. Not, perhaps, because… View Post
Lucy Goes… Speed Dating

Lucy Goes… Speed Dating

Lucy is fucking fed up. She’s now spent four cunting years swiping her way through the men of London, with absolutely zero success. Lucy has no bastard clue how some people can join dating apps, go on just one or two dates, and find a partner – but whatever their… View Post
The Date With A Dom

The Date With A Dom

In spite of her failed dates with Pablo the Venezuelan and Pierre the Frenchman, Lucy’s still convinced that a foreign guy is a much better prospect than all the hopeless British fuckwits who litter the dating apps like spat-out chewing gum. So, still keen to find a replacement for Charlie… View Post
The Frenchman

The Frenchman

Lucy’s date with Pablo the Argentinian might not have been a smoking hot success, but she’s never been one to give up at the first attempt. Convinced now that home-grown men are utterly fucking useless, and keen to capitalise on what she hopes is – to a foreigner at least… View Post
The Argentinian

The Argentinian

Now that things are over with Charlie, it’s time for Lucy to get back in the dating game. Well they do say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? And where better to find someone to get enthusiastically under than good ol’ Tinder?… View Post
To All The Boys I’ve Shagged Before

To All The Boys I’ve Shagged Before

It’s funny how one comment from a dumbass troll can inspire an entire blog post, but that’s sometimes how life works. Put enough shit down, and roses will grow. A few weeks ago Lucy was featured in The Metro newspaper. In response, a person calling themselves ‘Plato’s Ghost’ sent her… View Post
The One Who Was Just Nice

The One Who Was Just Nice

Regular readers of this blog will know that for nearly six months now Lucy’s been dating a polyamorous man named Charlie. If you didn’t know that, you can catch up over here. Though be warned, there’s quite a lot, so you might want to grab a wee and a cuppa… View Post
The Doggy Date

The Doggy Date

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, way back when Lucy was young, sweet and innocent, and had only slept with about four people, and was full of hope and optimism, and not at all jaded by the dating cesspit, and back in the dark ages when smartphones… View Post
Lucy Ghosts Dating – The Halloween Date

Lucy Ghosts Dating – The Halloween Date

It’s Halloween, and Lucy is dateless. Lucy likes Halloween.  Although she’s bah humbug as fuck about Christmas (which is undoubtedly the WORST holiday of all for single people – and if you want to know why, read this), Halloween’s a different story. Without the enforced family time, and the inescapable… View Post
Lucy Goes… To Africa

Lucy Goes… To Africa

It’s now been three years since Lucy became single again.  Three long years of swiping her way through the men of London Town, three bastarding years riding the fleeting ups and soul-crushing downs of the dating rollercoaster.  And while she’s had some successes, met some reasonably nice guys, and even… View Post
The One with the Teeth

The One with the Teeth

Lucy’s had two dates with Josh the Geography Teacher, and while they went well enough, she’s still far from sure if this is going to be an actual thing.  So when Josh goes away for a week she decides to set up another date.  Just in case, you know, he… View Post
The Entrepreneur

The Entrepreneur

Since things didn’t work out with Pardeep the Separated Dad, and since Lucy is still out of work and looking for fun excuses to put on actual clothes and venture into the outside world, she’s logged back into Guardian Soulmates to see if any other interesting-looking guys have messaged her.… View Post
The Hipster

The Hipster

Lucy has been back on Guardian Soulmates and has been approached by a man who may very possibly be an atrocious hipster. In his photos, Malcolm is sporting a variety of tweed jackets, brogues, and bowties. He also has an ample, luxurious and neatly trimmed beard.   In other words, all… View Post
Names and some minor details have been changed to protect the innocent. And sometimes the guilty.